Why do I feel like I could have saved my marriage with a husband who was addicted to weed, alcohol & porn?

Why do I feel like I could have saved my marriage with a husband who was addicted to weed, alcohol & porn? Topic: How to write a simple story for kids
June 25, 2019 / By Marina
Question: I lived my last 10 yrs with a husband who was addicted to marijuana, alcohol, porn, has had 4 DUI's in the past 5 years, now has a revoked drivers license for the next 4 years and had an affair in 2004 and most recently is in an affair with his gas station manager who never divorced her husband, sold her house in another state and actually purchased a home six blocks from my home. My husband left me and our 10 yr old son in Feb 2008 and now lives with her. I am 47, he is 41. Wow, looking at what I just wrote it looks like I am the crazy one for staying with him. That's what happens when we think we can change someone. I don't do drugs, drink very seldom, have a good paying job, I am attractive but very overweight from depression and lack of self esteem. I took care of him, my son, and everything else in the our home from bills to household problems. I took care of everything except myself, and look where I am today. Sex was no problem in the beginning but now I realize it was because I always initiated. When I got tired of initiating, being ignored, going everywhere with my son alone (and not my husband) and so much more, the sex stopped, not because I was going to teach him a lesson, but because I was not interested anymore. Sex was not important to me anymore. You want to give affection when you get affection. After all of this, my husband was able to walk out of this house and away from our son and I blaming me for the affairs, no sex, I was overweight, I was never going to change, he had no money, (he mostly worked as a gas station attendant) and the story goes on and on. He walked out of marriage counseling after we talked about my problems and started on his. He has never been physically abusive, called me any names, he gave me all his paychecks minus his $30.00 a week weed money, he did dishes, the laundry, cooked some meals, was the bathroom cleaner and never once in 10 yrs complained about watching our son or complained of having to take our son with him anywhere (he did not drink but did smoke the weed). So I looked at him as being this very good husband and father because of the few things he did do. I then figured out that he was like a child and quickly doing his household "chores" so he could then go out and play as he had admitted, his jobs were at minimum wage, he was more interested in smoking weed and having oreo's and milk after work than showing his wife any attention (for years) and more. I have been in counseling for 14 months with a drug and rehab counselor, not because I have drug/alcohol addictions, but I was trying to figure out my husbands behavior and why he would shack up with his boss instead of working on our marriage. It's simple, I finally set some boundaries in my marriage, his desperate married girlfriend allows him to smoke weed not only at home but right before they go to work, he drives her new truck with a revoked license, she didn't want kids so has no other responsibilities therefore has time for sex that I am sure she always initiates. I tell myself she thinks she got Willy Wonka and the golden ticket, but all she got was Willy Wonka. This is my problem, why do I feel like she is looking at me as the loser because she has my husband, like I am the wife that didn't give my husband sex, didn't take care of myself, didn't pay enough attention to him, ect.... What pyscho would actually "purchase" their home 6 blocks away from the current wife as if to say, ha, ha, I got your husband. Can someone please help me to understand why I hate her so much when I am the normal one and she and he are not. The counselor, who knows my husband also, explains to me that I am the normal one, maybe not normal for being with my husband for so long, but that the marriage crumbled along time ago because of the substance abuse. Can I please get some views on this except what an idiot I was. Sorry, I did not write that I was married for 2 years already before getting pregnant, those were the only 2 good years. I did not get married because I was pregnant and never would for that reason only. I do appreciate everyones input, it does help me to understand better. Some people do change when a child is born, unfortunately for my son, his father did not. I took the risk of him changing and my son lost. I am a great mother and hold my sons happiness higher than anything else.
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Best Answers: Why do I feel like I could have saved my marriage with a husband who was addicted to weed, alcohol & porn?

Kristel Kristel | 4 days ago
Your being too hard on yourself! Lighten up. ;-) He is a cheat plain & simple. No matter what your weight is, your career is, the amount of chores he did or did not do, no matter what, he was wrong for stepping outta the marriage as you did what you needed to do and that is do whatever you needed to do to keep the family going. Okay, so ya did maybe let yourself go because you were too busy doing what needed to be done then. So it's over between you & him now. Get yourself healthier, and move on finding happiness in your life. When ya think of how the other woman bought a home near yours, smirk a little because if she's not divorced, it's marital property (in many states) and her hubby is entitled to his portion. And also realize, she has the problem now and if he cheated on you, he will most likely cheat on her as well. Good luck to you. Mary in Camden, MI
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Kristel Originally Answered: Pregnant, baby's father is addicted to weed. How do I help him stop?
An addict is an addict. Doesn't matter what drug...if they're addicted-it's going to take more than statistics to get him to quit. He can't do it for himself..then he'll never do it for his family. I'm sorry. You're going to either have to get him in rehab or let him go. It's tough enough thinking of how you're going to raise your baby, you don't need to worry about this guy too. I know it's hard. But you should try to imagine your life and your child's life without this man. Addicts are not healthy people to be around. They drag you down, make poor decisions and jeopardize your whole families life. Think of all the dumb choices he has made..now add a baby. Are you willing to risk your babies health for his companionship? Is he that wonderful of a man, does he provide for you that much, is he that supportive-that he's worth endangering your most Precious possession? I wouldn't. I have just had my third baby one week ago. When I think of my husband and myself..I always think that he has a nine to five..and I have a 24/7. As much as men want to be there and help, they will never quite carry the burden of worry and heartache that mothers do for their children. We will feel our children's pain and we they will pay for OUR mistakes. So it's imperative that we try to make the best for them. To make life easier. This man is not making your life easier..he's making it harder. He's using your families resources to fund his habit. Your babies resources. Is that the life you want? Constantly putting his selfish habit before your families? Men already have a hard time understanding what we women go through during child bearing, now add an addiction. He's on a different planet hun. He's not ready to come down. So let him go until he does. If you don't, that baby will be the one paying the price...you can count on it.

Jazmin Jazmin
Honey, there is no magic wand to end all of this. For 10 years you lived with a Loser. That's a long time to build up some serious bad habits. OK so work on you. Lose the weight and get back in that swimsuit. Get back to school so you can get a better job. Remember, the best revenge is to live a good life. Eventually Loser will go through all her money, be pulled over for a DUI and she'll have to deal with the liability stuff since his license is revoked. She'll tire of having to initiate sex (and honey, there is a lot more to love than just copulation). He'll have emptied her bank account and caused a lot of drama in her life. Then you can look at her and think to yourself - he who laughs last...
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Fairuza Fairuza
hes a loser, i would be pissed too if that whore moved 6 blocks away from me. Some women are just skanky whores and she will get sick of him too. When she does i would not take him back though. Drinking and smoking can make people do crazy stuff especially the drinking i grew up with it and its not pleasent. I would divorce him, let him have his new gf and his drugs and drinking and his little pity job and get over it. I think maybe you should lose some weight too start working out i know depression you dont want to do anything, if you can go to a chiropractor it makes you feel so much better i was suprised when i went and how much better i felt. Pilates is very calming. Lose weight and take care of your son and forget about him and he will realize what kind of a loser he is
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Concordia Concordia
he sound's like not only is he addicted to porn. but it sounds like he is addicted to sex period. he need's to get help. for realz. im 24 my husband is 37. when i first met him he use to watch porn on the computer. but damn hes never disrespected me like how ur man is doing. im not saying this is ur fault. but there should have came a time when u seen him watching it on the computer/tv. that was the time to say no stop! this is enough. do u get what im saying? cuz he was thinking it was cool with u. so thats why he got so comfortable doing when u in bed. but one thing that stood out to me was. when u said he even gets hard in the car. that's trippy right there. cuz my husband loves sex. but hes not to the point where hes thinking about internet porn in the car lol. i think he needs help. have him try and get some. cuz he needs it bad. this kind of thing can ruin a marriage. good luck!~
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Berry Berry
WOW!! you got a lot of your chest just now ...anyway I really can't answer ...why you hate this other woman , when you know she didn't get a good deal in your husband. The one thing I would suggest very strongly is...you go for therapy to understand yourself...stop trying to figure out why your ex turned out the way he did...it has nothing to do with you . ..he made a choice to do what he does. Getting to understand yourself will be much more beneficial to you and your child...you will become a stronger , independent woman , and will never allow anyone like your ex back into your life.
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Berry Originally Answered: Why does alcohol suppose to mess you up more than Weed but some people?
What kind of weed are they smoking? Laced weed? Weed calms me down, makes me wanna write poems, and write essays. That and maybe weed just have different side effects for people, just like pharmaceutical medicines. Edit:Then dude, that shyt is laced or maybe it's bad weed.

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