Topic: How to write a romantic book
July 19, 2019 / By Affton Question:
getting to know a person?
establishing the terms of the relationship (ie., or if theirs even gonna be one)?
deciding to have sex?
Sue | 5 days ago
It's probably helpful to understand some basic neurophysiology.
There is a period of physical intimacy that promotes the pleasant euphoria of being in love. If a couple holds hands this will last perhaps 3 months to a year or more. If a couple kisses, another 3-12 months. If a couple touches breasts, that kind of caress, another period of same duration. This goes on until sexual intercourse, which simply elevates the same neurohormonal rewards for 3-12 months or so. At each stage there is a romantic euphoria, which becomes habituated, or not so rewarding.
This obviously leads to people becoming physically tired of or bored with each other. This is why any relationship, sexual or not, is built on more than physical attraction. Females understand this more than males, as females are somewhat more personal. About 1 in 10/20 marriages maintains this level of sexual and other joy throughout their lifetimes together.
How is this possible? By basing the relationship on something more than physical attraction. In plain words, if a couple is not able to sit at dinner, particularly with one set of their parents, and feel love for each other, without having to resort to sexual pleasure to make that love feeling, then they're in lust, not in love, and their further relationship perks are likely to peter out at each level of conditioning.
How do people find love that lasts, that makes sexual union joyful and caring beyond the physical attraction period? It is because they have been raised to value their inner childlike joy, and to value healing childish greed, pride, lust, and so on.
Another factor especially for women: STDs are more serious for women who contract them, including infertility and worse.
Another set of neurophysiological studies indicates that each sexual partner obscures one's ability to develop a more childlike love and caring for one's eventual mate.
Two worthwhile books:
"Sacred Psychology of Love," Marilyn Barrick, and
"For Women Only," Shaunti Feldhahn.
Hint: Shaunti also wrote "For Men Only," and if one's bf doesn't care to read it and discuss it with you, look out, beware.
Reviews at http://www.amazon.com