Topic: Channelled writing a business
May 19, 2019 / By Leontyne Question:
Okay, I'm feeling nervous about my mental health. Currently, I'm doing great, I haven't lost my temper in 3 months but in the past, I was a lot more unstable. I had abusive parents growing up and was suicidal for most of my life. I remember exploding in rage a lot of times before. I would throw things around the house, throw away food/containers, and scream. I've also hit my mom and dad a couple of times (to be fair, my dad called me oversensitive because of my suicide attempt, insane, etc. while my mom beat me when I was a child and insults me most of the time). At school, I would hit/kick some people (I was really socially oblivious and wasn't aware that it was pissing people off, I thought it was playful). I can be fairly pushy and aggressive when I'm angry especially about moral issues (bullying, racism, sexism, etc.). Am I just a bit temperamental or do I have a personality disorder? Thanks for reading this.
Jordyn | 7 days ago
Hi, I never blame the child; if the parents treat them badly then they should be condemned for it. Not the innocent kid! For it is only natural that you will be conditioned by their behaviour.
From reading your account it is difficult for me to determine if your father is a nieve and/or weak-minded man, or a deliberate abuser. Your mother is certainly a sick woman, whether that is through a personality disorder or mental condition.
Your fits of rage are caused by this: when something that would just annoy a mature person strikes, such as racism, you instead feel like that young child (scared and cornered). This is because your 'sub-conscious' memory recorded everything that happened to you, and it won't let you forget the fear/anger you felt then.
What you need to do is somehow exorcise your demons into something positive. To channel that rage into a creative work or career. A great many creatives do this, channeling anger, rage or sexual conflicts into a work of art or a new business, etc. Some even achieve what is known as 'Self-Actualisation'.
Reflect on the above paragraph. What are you passionate in? Is it art, music, writing, or sport, or business, for example?
Then, once decided, make it your life's mission, indeed your destiny, to be very successful in this one thing. To focus on it, starting with a feasible vision followed by much hard graft. There will be something in you that will take away your rage once it is utilised.
A personality disorder?
From what you've written, there is not enough to be sure. I am certain you are *not* Bipolar or even Schizophrenic. Possibly Borderline Personality, possibly a 'Hostile' Sociopath.
However, even if you are one of the above, I think a mild case or you wouldn't have had enough insight to have asked this question.
And whatever, such things are only labels and serve very little purpose to all but mental health professionals.
To summarise, find your talent, nurture it and make good of your life. You can do it....
you seem to be addicted to the adrenalin rush that comes from anger and from righteous indignation
get a self help book on anger managment
i guess you could be bipolar or have borderline personality but only a professional could give you the correct diagnosis.