Should I let my bridesmaid be in the wedding or tell her no?
Topic: The sister in bridesmaids
July 17, 2019 / By Bennett Question:
So I just found out my fiance's step sister is pregnant. She just found out last week and told everyone. Our wedding is Sept 24th and she's due Sept 11th. That's only 13 days before our wedding. With pregnancy, you can go early or even late. If she were to go late, she could have the baby literally within a couple days before the wedding and I just don't see how that would work. We would have to order her dress a couple sizes too big and then get last minute alterations and hope it fits. The problem with doing that though, is if we do it that way and she ends up not being able to be in it for whatever reason (dress doesn't fit, she goes late, has a c-section) then we will have already put our order in for her bridesmaid bouquet, purchased her wedding gift and then we would have an extra groomsman. A lot of arrangements go into each bridal party member. I just feel like its cutting it way too close and I really don't feel like spending extra money on a bouquet, gift and having an extra groomsman and having it all messed up. Even if she has the baby on her due date or a little early, she's gonna be so exhausted and sore from just having a baby. What would you do?
In reference to Arizona Indian Doll..I know money isn't everything, but we're on a very tight budget and the wasted expense on a bridal gift, a bouquet and wasted wedding programs that would have to be redone (and whatever else might get messed up) it could really take a chunk of money. Besides the money, its also about the groomsman. Its supposed to be set up for 7 groomsmen and 7 bridesmaids and then all the sudden we would have 7 groomsmen and 6 bridesmaids last minute. I don't want to be hurtful to her, but that's a lot of extra headache and last minute planning for me.
Best Answers: Should I let my bridesmaid be in the wedding or tell her no?
Abiah | 10 days ago
Maybe you should ask her what she wants to do given that she may have just given birth, that way it puts the ball in her court... she clearly agreed prior to her knowing about her pregnancy - but it would have been a bit weird for her to put her pregnancy plans on hold just to make sure she made your wedding. You could buy a wedding gift for her which is related to the baby, that way if she isn't able to make it (eg is in hospital) you haven't "wasted" your money - although I am sure she would appreciate the gift anyway, and the flowers. It does seem odd having 7 groomsmen and 7 bridesmaids if you are on a tight budget. It also seems a bit over the top to be worrying about photographs being symmetrical, and I wouldn't worry about the programmes needing a reprint - again if you are on such a budget why are you thinking about that? You could always mention her being in hospital in the speeches if that is what happens. Things always go wrong with weddings and you cannot organise every last detail, you need to learn that otherwise you will go into melt down for example if it rains....
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Originally Answered: How do I ask a bridesmaid NOT to be in my wedding anymore?
whenever you have to deal with a problem as a bride there is one word to live by...graciousness.
it is not possible to uninvite someone to be a member of your wedding party, so you will have to seek a gracious way to deal with your half sister. once you find her, let her know that you do not feel her remarks or behavior was appropriate, but you need to maintain graciousness in your word and body language.
never ever take the low road as a bride....always seek the high road. talk to all of your wedding party and work together to find a way to repair the breeches and mend this situation so that you can all go back to working together to make your wedding a lovely day and a fun experience for everyone.
try reminding your half sister that you realize this day is not all about you but is about your guests having a great time and you want and need her imput and also would love to have her blessings upon your marriage.
if you don't feed the negativity but rather turn it around and maintain a positive attitude and demeanor, the matter will drop and you will be seen as a gracious and considerate bride as well as a loving sister.
don't try to fire her as a bridesmaid. that is very poor etiquette and should never be done.
What I'm about to say may sound critical, but it's more to get you to see your own role in this To be honest, this is one of the risks of having such a large group of attendants. There are a ton of things that can crop up, and with each additional person you add to the wedding party, the odds increase that at least one person will pose an issue. Also, to say you're on a very tight budget with 14 attendants brings up the obvious question why you had such a high number to begin with.
You need to put the ball in her court rather than fire her. I can understand the issues you bring up, but nobody should ever be dumped from a wedding party unless it's extreme (which this is not). It's entirely possible she may have changed her mind anyway...most people would. But you have to phrase it in a way that lets her make the decision. If her dress needs alterations, she should be the one to worry about this and pay for it, not you. So talk to her and point out some of the issues, and then tell her you'll understand completely if she thinks it's all too much. If she still wants to be in the wedding, however, then you have no choice but to keep her there.
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Family is more important than a "messed up" wedding. There's no way her doctor is going to let her go more than a few days past her due date. Even if she has a c-section, she'll be able to walk down the aisle, and stand there for a few minutes. It's not like bride's maid duty is physically taxing. A wedding is about joining two lives. It's not a broadway production. Who cares if there's a name on the program, but the person isn't there? People throw those away almost instantly. Life does not always go as planned. Handling unexpected challenges with grace is what people will remember most about you. Not the odd number of attendants at your wedding.
👍 111 | 👎 8
If I had already asked her I would feel rude revoking the invitation. I would leave the decision up to her because a lot of women in that situation would remove themselves. I would feel like a b*ch if I told her well you got pregnant so you can't be in my wedding when I've already asked. Money is just money, family relationships are far more important and if you destroy those then it can put stress on a marriage before it even begins.
Who isn't when they get married unless you have trump or hollywood money? My brother and sister in law decided to get a divorce four weeks before my wedding and both were in it; my ex sister in law pulled out and I managed. Things can be worked around if you aren't lazy and willing to put the effort into them. I've been married 11.5 years and I would take keeping family relationships happy over money any day of the week and I think you are being rude myself but that's just my opinion and you asked for it by posting the question so take it as it is.
Oh having an uneven number of attendants isn't the end of the world.. I did and everything worked out just fine.
👍 102 | 👎 7
It IS cutting it way too close..I would ask her to do a reading thus making her part of the ceremony and if she's unavailable, the reading can be skipped.
But at 11 days before her possible 'confinement', even if she's on time or late so to speak, she's NOT gonna be comfortable that late in her pregnancy to do bride's maids duty..she'll be tired, physically uncomfortable, might be dealing with swollen feet, false labor contractions, hemorrhoids, and running to the bathroom constantly from fetal pressure on her bladder...if she delivers shortly before the wedding, she will more than likely not be sitting pretty due to stitches and tenderness/swelling in her lady parts(normal) wearing thick feminine pads (due to the normal post delivery discharge and tampons are NOT allowed), breastfeeding an infant initally causes sore nipples and aching, tender breasts due to engorgement plus the baby can demand to nurse every 2 hours...plus take a tender newborn into a crowd of germy adults? The pediatrician would have a COW!.......
Let her down gently and if she balks, have her read this as the gal may NOT be aware of what late pregnancy & child birth have in store for her lol....if she has any sense she will be relieved over being 'relieved'....and a nice baby gift as a peace offering while you take her to lunch, pay for the meal and let her down there will help....good luck.
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Just last month I was associated with a wedding that included SIX pregnant ladies, one of them being the Bride, and never once did I hear of any discussion about removing them (the bridesmaids or the Matron of Honor) from the wedding party because of their condition or their due date or loss of money or an uneven number of wedding party members if one had to drop out.
It's rather obvious that this lady is not very important to you and her pregnancy has now created "an inconvenience" to your wedding plans. Wedding plans get "messed up" all the time, I just wonder how you are going to react if it rains on your wedding day or if the limousine has a flat tire or if the Best Man misses his airplane flight? Weddings don't have to be "perfect" they just have to be "a class act."
Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
👍 84 | 👎 5
I would take her out to lunch and talk to her about it, gently tell her how you feel about the close dates and ask her if she really wants to do this. Tell her that you would totally understand if she did not. Tell her of course you are still invited to the wedding. Invite her to help you in another way if she would like, possibly personal assistant, when you have the shower your bridesmaids give make sure that she is invited and for her gift give her something for her something personal and something for the baby at the same time. Make sure you tell her how happy you are about the baby and possibly offer to babysit so they can have a night out together once she is up to it. If it were me I would want out of the wedding. Good Luck.
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Mia is OBVIOUSLY now not from this planet. It took my one bridesmaid and maid of honor over two hours to take a look at on attire. Just inform the unreliable buddy directly that she's now not within the marriage ceremony. Repeat your final line to your submit to her..."Im confused as may also be and that i dont want this!!!!" If she questions why, then simply remind her of the days she left you putting. This special factor occurred to my sister-in-regulation. She requested a buddy to be within the marriage ceremony they usually set dates for settling on a get dressed good upfront. When she did not exhibit, my sil referred to as and left a number of messages, which have been under no circumstances back. She attempted a couple of days later, and left extra messages, however nonetheless go back calls. My sil gave up and referred to as me. I jumped in and went to each becoming and each retailer along with her. I even furnished to pay for the get dressed, which they'd already selected. Her father informed me in no not sure phrases that HE was once purchasing my get dressed, the changes and my footwear considering I had jumped in on the final minute. My sil then referred to as the lady and left a message that she was once now not within the marriage ceremony and have been changed by means of anybody she would believe and expect. Finally, simply three weeks earlier than the marriage ceremony, the lady ultimately referred to as, crying and begging my sil to allow her again into the marriage ceremony, pronouncing she was once sorry and was once confused out over the whole thing. My sil informed her there was once no manner she was once going to be within the marriage ceremony and considering she hadn't stricken to even opt for up the mobile and phone, she was once to not attend the marriage ceremony, both. They've under no circumstances spoken considering then.
👍 66 | 👎 3
How would you feel if someone said to you "Oh cos your preggers your no longer in my wedding"?. I know i'd feel very hurt as others have said its only money. Seems like all your worried about is the hassle it would cause your very selfish.
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Originally Answered: My bridesmaid never gave a gift for my wedding?
I feel it was rude on her part to not give you a gift. My first instinct was that she felt she spent a lot of money on her dress and shower (but she didn't even contribute to that). Even still, that's no excuse not to get you a gift. Maybe the next time you see her you can mention the fact that you have to start writing thank-you notes, or that you finished writing them and how you got so many nice gifts. You could even say that you were surprised with how generous most people were. This might jog her memory as to the fact that she did not give you a gift. I'm hoping that she custom ordered something special and it hasn't arrived yet. In any event, she could have told you that your gift would be coming shortly.
Even if she feels that she spent an excessive amount of money on her dress that's no excuse not to give you a gift. Personally, I would keep talking about the gifts you received and even offer to show them to her! I really hope she realizes the huge faux pas she has made.
EDIT: I just saw your update and the fact that you paid for everything. THAT was very generous of you. She definitely owes you a gift. I hope she at least said thank you for paying for everything. I never heard of a bride paying for the bridesmaid's dress, etc. She was quite lucky.
EDIT #2: I'm sorry, but I don't think gift giving is a personal choice. If you are invited to a wedding, it's proper etiquette to give a gift, whether or not you attend.