His family doesn't have money for our destination wedding?
Topic: Gifts for the sister who has everything
June 26, 2019 / By Jasmyn Question:
Our whole play was to get married on the beach, only invite our closest friends (bridal party) parents, siblings & grandparents. Then stay the rest of the week there for our honeymoon. When we get back my parents wanted to throw us a Welcome home they new Mr & Mrs BBQ picnic. No gifts just dancing fun & drinking.
My fiance talked to his mom the other night on the phone. He finally told me tonight that his mom, & 2 sisters don't think they will have the money to come to our destination wedding. Plus on top of it his grandparents don't think they will either. His grandma (who I highly HIGHLY dislike) also added its very rude of us to expect our guest to come, pay their travel & pay for their own hotel. & its even ruder for my parents to throw us a welcome home picnic with out asking his side of the family!
Besides crying for the last half hour! What the heck do we do now?
I have spent countless hours calling hotels getting the best price, finding some one to marry us at the best price/value. I already bought a beachy wedding dress. Had my brides maids dressed picked out. (short beach dresses). Already made plans with our bridal party for the date. We aren't getting married till October 2011! I wanted to give people a ton of time to plan! My mom has already paid the non refundable deposit for the hall for the BBQ (we can't get married there isn't against their policy) What do we do now?
His family is invited to the BBQ we gave my mom the list of who we wanted invited. His grandma just thinks she should be the 1 throwing it. That means no drinking. Maybe 50 people max Nothing of what we want. Just so she can say she did it!
We picked the wedding we did to say money!
I would never ask my fiance to give up his family being there since his father just pasted away 9 months ago.
I love his family...just not his grandma.
He hates his grandma too! She has no problem telling her grandkids & children all their flaws but tells them she is perfect. The problem with her is. No one else in the family stood up to her.
The worse part is up till a week ago his mom & grandma didn't even ask our wedding date. We have been engaged for almost 5 months.
We are planning an October wedding. Myrtle beach is in the 70s anything more north it maybe snow!
His grandparents go there twice a year but "won't have the money to move their trip a little later in the year."
* extra info!
Thanks for everyone answers this info wouldn't fit in the info box.
I have told his grandma to piss off. That is why we don't get along. No one else had stood up to her. I don't come from a family where we let people hurt us with out letting them know!!! If you read any of my other post. We were iffy if we even wanted his grandparents invited. I see why NOW! I'm going to say no to his grandma hosting us a party! 1 is enough people don't need to go to 1-3 events for our wedding that is selfish on our part. We have our guest list. Take it or leave it!
Best Answers: His family doesn't have money for our destination wedding?
Evalyn | 4 days ago
I had a destination wedding where people paid for the plane tickets, their room, and managed to get us presents. We were really grateful everyone who came did, and we got discounts on the rooms for them but could not afford to pay for everyone since we invited a lot of people. I did pay for the wedding party rooms though because they spend money on the dresses and stuff.
Anyway, my family has a lot of people who do not have a lot of money and I asked them before I started planning if they would come and they all said yes. Now, mind you that some people saved for the whole 9 months between engagement and the wedding, but my whole family, except one aunt and uncle, was there.
If his family wants to be there, they will MAKE a way. They have a year to plan, and even if they had 6 months, they could save enough for everything. It sounds like they just want things their way, and honestly, I would just do it without them because I only wanted people at my wedding that wanted to be there. If they are not prepared to do WHATEVER it takes to see your fiance get married, then they are not worth being there to begin with. The one aunt and uncle that chose not to come really missed out, and while I was upset they did not come, i realized that if I was not a priority, then I was not going to make them one either. Now, they really regret not coming, and his family will too.
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Originally Answered: My family doesn't want to help me out for nothing. I only have one month left. HELP PLEASE?
I'm not sure what you are asking here...
But I do have a little bit of advice for you. I was recently in the same boat and had to come up with money for my own wedding. My wife and I were about your age when we got engaged and knew we would have to pay for it ourselves. We had two choices: get married for very cheap by ourselves at the court house or wait till we could afford the wedding she wanted. We waited, saved and had a beautiful wedding. So, it sounds like you too have to decide between those two choices.
You say that you understand that you are getting married very young. Well, if you are going to be doing adult things then you have to act like an adult. You can't be mad because your family is not giving you money for a wedding. That is immature and acting like a kid. If you are adult enough to get married then you should be adult enough to pay for it yourself.
I don't mean to sound rude here - I respect your right to get married and I very much respect your faith and your choice to save yourself until marriage. But you did come off sounding immature when you whined about your family not agreeing to go into debt for you.
You also sound immature referring to a debt as something as slight as buying a coke. That is something that only a child who has never truly been in debt would say. As someone who paid their way through college and grad school, let me tell you that part of growing up is understanding the responsibility of debt and the true value of money. Whining because your family won't put themselves under the burden of a debt for you and referring to a loan from the bank as not a big deal indicate a lack of maturity and a poor understanding of how difficult it really is to pay off a loan.
Case in point - If you take out a 15,000 loan for school from a private lender and they give you an interest rate of around 7% and 15 years to pay it back - you will be paying about 120 dollars each month JUST IN INTEREST. So if you pay just 120 each month you will still owe 15,000 and never work down on your actual debt!
Anyways, I'm rambling - probably because my student loans just came due.
But I think you have two obvious choices here - small wedding you can afford or wait. DO NOT TAKE OUT A LOAN OR GET IN DEBT. You say you must get married now because you want to have a family. If you are serious, then you need to save all you can for that family. Buying a house, having a kid, college, etc.
Good Luck with your decision. I hope that everything works out. Keep in mind that if it doesn't, you will have everyone in your family telling you "I told you so" for the rest of your life.
EDIT - WOW. I just clicked on your account and read your other posts. I was especially struck by the question about your jealousy. You really destroyed a Shania Twain CD because your boyfriend said she was pretty? That is the most immature behavior I've ever heard of. You are basically still an infant at your emotional level if you are behaving like this. Your man is going to find other women attractive. Your man is probably looking at another woman right now while you read this. Men are like that. And there is nothing that you can do to change that. If you are too insecure to accept that, then your marriage will NOT WORK. You are way too immature for this serious of a relationship if you are intimidated by a woman whom your man will never even meet in real life. What are you going to do when you catch him looking at the hot girl down the street - which you will catch him doing. What then? What will you break then in your little hissy fit?
Please don't reproduce. I'm already paying for enough welfare babies with my taxes.
As you describe it, money is a factor. What I mean is this: If you've enough money saved, but you'd rather use it for something else, then cost *is* a factor. Why should you sacrifice something you want to do just so you can attend her wedding? Why does she dictate what you can do with your savings? Don't recommend a home reception (I think they're pointless anyway). Just tell her you can't afford it and won't be attending, and leave it at that. (And send a nice card and gift). Hopefully a few other people will say the same thing and she will realise that she is being unreasonable expecting guests to pay thousands just to be at her wedding.
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Go ahead with your plans. Times are tight but they have a year to save up for the trip. IF they can't make it very sorry but that does not mean you should change your plans.
If your parents did not invite any of his family then the grandma has a point. If she is complaining because her side of the family was not consulted, too bad, no one had to cousult them. Your parents wanted to throw you a party, they have that right. You have the right to have whatever wedding you want and can afford. It is not the responsibility of the bride and groom to pay for travel or hotel stays for guests at a destination wedding, that is all up to the persons involved to pay their own way, nothing rude about that.
You have another problem here dear, one that is more significant to your life. There seems to be a great disparity between your family and his. You reek of dislike for his family and that is not a good sign either. You might have every reason to not like his family but keep in mind that they are HIS FAMILY. He loves those people and for you to show too much animosity is going to effect your marriage, it cannot help but do so and once you have kids it will get worse. Make a change my dear but not in the plans for your wedding. I bet they come up with the money and show up, if not, Ah Well, that's life and not really your fault. You gave them a year, and that is standard for a destination wedding.
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You write: His family is invited to the BBQ we gave my mom the list of who we wanted invited. His grandma just thinks she should be the 1 throwing it.
You know, grandma is perfectly free to host her own post-wedding celebration for bride and groom. Your parents are free to host any type of party that they care of host . . . without interference from his family. In fact, I think it was very nice of your family to invite all his family to the BBQ.
If grandma is such a pain . . . then I suggest your parents change the guest list and just invite his mother. Let grandma host her own separate party for his side of the family, if that is what makes her happy. No reason there cannot be more than one party.
My advice would be two post-wedding parties . . . one hosted by your parents for your family members and friends, the other hosted by his grandma for his family members.
You write: aren't getting married till October 2011!
Then everyone has plenty of time to save up some money. If they wish to attend, fine. If they wish to decline, then that is fine too. Bride and groom must realize when they are planning a destination wedding that not everyone will be able to attend.
My exception would be groom's parents. I know you said dad is deceased but If his mom is unable to attend due to finances, then I suggest that bride and groom help her . . . giving her the assistance that would make it possible for her to attend.
But no, bride and groom do not have to finance everyone's travel expenses! No way.
When people say that they are unable to attend then you respond, "I am sorry to hear that. You will be missed." Then you carry on as planned.
You write: Besides crying for the last half hour! What the heck do we do now?
Time for groom to grow up and be a man. His grandma = his problem. He should not allow his grandma to be rude to his bride and his future in-laws. And yes, she is being rude to his future in-laws when she tries to interfere with any party the future in-laws are hosting.
Do you want grandma running your life forever? If not, then it is time to stop her interference immediately. And it is your groom's responsibility to do so. I suggest he go speak with her immediately, and politely set her straight.
If he is incapable of doing so, then perhaps it may be time for you to think about postponing or canceling this wedding??? Just food for thought.
You write: I would never ask my fiance to give up his family being there since his father just pasted away 9 months ago.
But he is not giving up his family being there. They are declining to attend. There is a difference. And please note that they are all perfectly free to decline . . . even if you should have the wedding in their hometown, just down the block!
Every guest is completely free to accept or decline the invitation.
My advice is get mom to the wedding and forget about the rest. If the rest really want to be there, then they will find a way to be there.
I really think this bride needs to use caution and do some serious thinking about whether or not she wants to become a part of this (seemingly) controlling family.
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Welcome to the stress of planning a wedding that is not close to your guests.
Your options are:
A - move the wedding location local to you (you could still have a beach theme) so your fiance's family can afford to attend.
B - keep the plans as they are and tell fiance's family that you will celebrate with them at the BBQ upon your return.
C - keep the plans as they are and pay for these people to be there since they say it is financial reasons that they are unable to attend.
Your decision is probably most heavily swayed by how important it is - to your fiance - that these people be there. Only the two of you can make that decision together.
My sister is marrying a man who wants a wedding ceremony in his home country and also one here in the US. I told her, as soon as she mentioned it, that I would probably not be able to afford to attend the wedding outside the country. I don't get a great deal of vacation time and my finances are not the best (both hubby & I encountered job losses not too long ago and bills stacked up).
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Originally Answered: Has a travel show ever influenced you to travel to a certain destination?
Yes, I watch the shows to get ideas for new and interesting places to explore. There's one show on RAI 1 here in Italy called Domenica in Villagio that features local festivals in various places around Italy. I've gone to many of them as a result of the show. For me, the shows are more useful for the lesser known places or events because the major attractions are widely covered in travel books, magazines, newspaper articles and the like.