How much do you have to push someone to breaking point before they push back?
Topic: Methods of carrying out a research project
June 25, 2019 / By Leona Question:
My friend has esteem issues, he gets picked on by two kids at school. We've only been at this new school for a couple of months, but he used to get picked on at our old school as well (we changed to the same school fyi).
I have tried for the most part everything...his esteem issues have been around for years. I think i made the serious mistake of simply comforting him and reassuring him that everything is gonna be ok and that its everyone else thats the problem, not him. I have tried on several occasions to explain why he isnt a loser, and that if he is determined enough, he can do well for himself. The problem is, he lacks motivation, and on the occasion he does get it, it loses momentum very quickly- like starting an engine only to see it breakdown on the motorway.
His family love him, that is why they spend a lot of time with him and spoil him.
He smokes a lot of weed, i want him to stop...it seems as if he smokes only for the social reasons associated with it.
None of these conventional methods are working. I am contemplating using old school disciplinary methods where i push him to the point where he realises that the only way to solve the situation is to push back.. i will essentially treat him like ****. I understand that i may lose my friendship, but in the hope of getting through to him that he finally has to stand up for himself, even if it has to be me first. But my question is, does this ever work? or does it make things worse? Think of it like bootcamp/bullying done from a friend.
He is mentally OK, he is not depressed that i am aware of. He is more pissed off at his inability to get laid.
In summary, a spoilt kid with esteem issues that likes smoking weed is being picked on. He's never fought his own battles because his stoner friends hang around in 'intimidating' packs.
You could argue that its not my life to deal with, but he's my friend and i cant sit back and watch him waste his life feeling sorry for himself as he sits in front of the television smoking weed 24/7
He's not motivated enough to do that.
I was asking if this worked......i never said that i was going to do this. Its come across to my mind, and that is why im presenting it to yahoo answers.
In all honesty, does anyone have enough knowledge about the human condition? You have a group of people labelling themselves psychologists after spending a few years studying the infinitely complex sentience that is our mind, im being inquisitive, because it is that very inquisitivity that results in the expansion of our knowledge.
Jac the hat's response was amazing, the way it related to my situation and everything 0_0...he's a best friend. So i only have his interests at heart. It is also why i'm not too sure about gambling our friendship.
**** John 0_0.
Your right in saying he smokes weed recreationally. My problem is that is appears he is falling into the 'suicidal/depressive state' as it is...making him all the more delicate...your right..i dont think i should do anything...simply be there for him and as Jac said, turn a blind eye.
Best Answers: How much do you have to push someone to breaking point before they push back?
Jordana | 3 days ago
interesting thought He has adequate defence then so you dont need to bolster him up for when he's picked on - I would leave life to give him the kick he needs as it most certainly comes - Why do you feel so responsible for him? is that something to do with your needs?. I would caution that the above whilst interesting sounds like a train crash in waiting - Let life do it and be around when he really wants you to be there for him - If he's your pet project and you're getting something out of it like a bit of research carry through but we cant really give another a boundary that will work if they are more hell bent on self destruction -- You have to get to rock bottom first before you start the upward trend I doubt you could hurt him hard enough when he has so many comfortable escapes and is so insulated and its not really a good idea to unnaturally pull someones defences away from them as they may just surround themselves with worse ones. It is hard to watch someone you care about fall slowly downwards but its his life and his choice maybe you need to look the other way for a bit.
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Originally Answered: How did we push Yellow Journalism back into the shadows last time it became a problem?
After a while, people figure out that they're being lied to and liars are exposed. Sometimes it happens sooner, and sometimes it happens later.
Society ebbs and flows. There are good people doing good things, and bad people doing bad things. The present is never as bad as it seems, and neither would everything suddenly turn wonderful if everything were run the way you -- or I -- might want it to be. Que sera, sera.
Is that pragmatic enough for you?
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👍 40 | 👎 2
Please, don't go this route. Don't treat him like s&!t to try and get a rise out of him. When it backfires, and he doesn't understand why you are treating him like a dirt-bag, he'll be even more unmotivated, and possibly depressed because now his friend is being a dick & he doesn't know why.
The last sentence you wrote? "You could argue that its not my life to deal with, but he's my friend and i cant sit back and watch him waste his life feeling sorry for himself as he sits in front of the television smoking weed 24/7"
You need to tell him that, exactly. Get brave, and write it down so you can read it aloud if you have to. But, talk to him, just say the truth of what is on your mind, don't play psychological games with people!!!!!! It screws them up worse, and this is a human life we're talking about here.
"Dog-gammit Blamtuckey! I ain't re-programmin' a VCR."
-R. Downey Jr. 'Tropic Thunder'
You might want to point out to him that if he were to make something of himself & get off his ***, he wouldn't have such a hard time getting laid. My point is Honesty. Just bring these things to his attention, and when he sees you noticing he's having a hard time, he may just open up to you what is really bothering him. Be his friend, do not become his enemy, and don't experiment with his emotional responses.
I got to hand it to you for caring though, the world can use more of it.
👍 38 | 👎 1
As a true friend allow him to join some Self-Development or Personality Development course.
Or let him join Yoga Classes. In Yoga they teach lot of physical exercises and mental exercises which helps to keep the body and mind fit. All the yoga techniques are useful ones.
👍 36 | 👎 0
You need to mind your own business. you are not knowledgeable enough to do this & he is liable to kill you & it might not be now it could be 20 years from now so just don't do this. Never do something to make someone angry in this way. He has his own life & reasons for where he is at. if you can't accept him as he is then you need to just move on to other projects. I think you must have some problems you are not looking at or you wouldn't have him as a mirror in your life.
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Originally Answered: Did I push her away from me?
it could be a few things...
1. she doesn't want to see you, in which case you need to get over it and start looking again - try not to talk so serious so soon?
2. she doesn't want to seem clingy by calling too soon
3. her dad answered?
4. she has kids. maybe she's busy with them? maybe something is going on which she hasn't mentioned because YOU ONLY JUST MET
5. she thought you were rushing into it, and she wanted you to back off until she's ready to talk again or move further
i would leave it a few days, maybe up to a week, then text again - something general just saying hi how are you. if you don't get a response leave it. see other people. if she wants to take it further she will contact you.