How does this wedding poem sound?
Topic: Do all the sister wives work
June 26, 2019 / By Bambi Question:
My sister is getting married sometime this year, and I promised her I'd work on a poem to be read either during the ceremony or during the reception--this one doesn't rhyme. I've never written a poem (that doesn't rhyme) before, and this is my first one. I haven't figured out a name for this one. One last thing, I added a verse from the bible to make it look and sound a little christian.
My sister has grown from child to adult
All the drama and jealousy is gone
I couldn't be more proud of her accomplishments,
her creativity, her hard work, and her strength
the lord Jesus Christ has helped her through her struggles
in college, my sis found the love of her life
one who supports my sister's career objectives
who also helps others within the community
and who respects our family and welfare
Zack and Melanie are like 2 different apples--Golden and Granny Smith
both may have different textures and colors
however, they both love each other's taste
when the two apples are cut up into slices
each slice represents their love and trustworthiness
when we eat their slices, each one's texture & taste
shows their personality and praise
the apple seeds are a symbol of new life
So once they are planted, Zack and Melanie will take care of them
and once the apple seeds begin to germanate, new life will grow
*The fruit of the spirit produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, humility, and self-control.
Please give me your serious, non-rude, and truthful opinions. This is just the rough draft. I want to improve it a little bit. But I need your assistance.
I'm serious when I say non-rude comments.
Best Answers: How does this wedding poem sound?
Addie | 3 days ago
Its realy good.
But for you...I give you some advise.I love your poem but does it realy come from your heart?
Umm....have some words rhyme in your poem.Shorten the poem up but just say wat u mean.When I first read it it looked like a huge paragraph from a story....So I suggest you to try something more like....short...but say how you feel of them...only my opinion...How about an example?
Example:(this is from your poem)
"My sister has grown from a seed to a buetiful flower...all the drama and jealousy is gone...
as she works hard,hour to hour..."
well something like that...try not to explain her life to others...
Then you could move on to the part of Jesus Christ.And how he has helped her....you can move on with the part where she found her love of her life....
"When she first saw the love of her life...
And soon enough she will become his wife..."
well something like that...lol
Just keep an opend mind!
But i really love your work though!!!!!!!
◘Congrats to your sis too!◘
Oh and also if your poem turns out great...which it is....you can be the next shakespear!!!!!
👍 194 | 👎 3
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Originally Answered: Poem needed for my auntys wedding?
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
(Sonnets from the Portuguese: XLIII)
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,--I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!--and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death
I would consider avoiding anything derogatory, ie "All the drama and jealousy is gone". Just makes it sound like she is a drama queen who is jealous all the time, or used to be. No need to focus on old spoils during a day of new celebrations.
Likewise: "the lord Jesus Christ has helped her through her struggles" So not only is known for being a drama queen and jealous, she also struggled a lot? I would also leave out, perhaps just "The lord Jesus Christ has helped her flourish into an accomplished young woman"
Focus on the positive. :)
👍 80 | 👎 2
It is extremely impolite to invite your visitors (sure visitors, no longer consumers) for items, permit on my own cash, and it is simply including to the insult by means of soliciting for it within the style of a banal and illiterate poem. Good grief girl, have somewhat of dignity. And earlier than you once more begin going off on those who find themselves wondering your private ethics, would possibly I ask do you ask all of your visitors, be it for your dwelling for dinner or a cup of tea to loved ones events and so forth, for items and cash? Do you? If you don't, why will have to those visitors be dealt with as a coins cow and no longer others? Never assume items, and if you do not realize why appear up what 'present' way.
👍 78 | 👎 1
I like it a lot. But "all the drama and jealousy is gone" doesn't really seem to fit in with the rest, so if I were you I'd replace that with something else. Like maybe saying something about how she's your friend or how many years have gone by.
👍 76 | 👎 0
I don't care that the poem doesn't rhyme. BUT it does not flow well and is awkward when you try to read it out loud.
👍 74 | 👎 -1
Originally Answered: Does this poem sound ok?
its a nice poem....but sth feels missing.....like you've explained what a pen is but forgotten to mention its purpose...you hv mentioned exactly what love is but its like trying to find the meaning of friendship from a dictionary......people who hv got frnds wud surely understand this...u cannot define friendship it can be felt not defined....
similarly is the point with love...you cannot define it...but u sure can record your feelings about it...
so what i think i find missing is dat u hv "defined love"...what u shud hv done was u could hv explained how u feel about it...
but its a nice poem....u just need to kinda polish it......with ur feelings; put some life into it...den it'll shine rite!