Originally Answered: Does my story sound good?
You write that Morgead falls for one human, though Serena and Nick have at least once said "Human school"..it kinda confuses me, sorry!
Here is an idea of how to make it a bit better:
I'm Serena Karda, the youngest child and only girl of three. My twin brother, Nickolas, was born two hours ahead of me, and trust me when I say we are nothing alike. Nick has light brown hair, although we do share the abnormal bright pink eyes, a common trait in our family yet he is calm and always tries to help others, while I try to never show my emotions. It would just show weakness. My other brother is Damon. He’s twenty one years old and shares my black hair, though he is blue-eyes. He is also a traitor and a bad brother, after all, only an evil coward like Damon would join the man who destroyed our entire clan, including our parents. My mother was once a famous performer of our clan, the Karda people. She was absolutely beautiful, with Damon's blue eyes, except hers showed warmth and love, instead of the ice held in my brothers. I can remember very clearly the story she always told us, the one where she and my father, the Karda's only heir back then.
"It was at the concert of my dreams." She used to say, whilst running her slender hands through mine and Nick's hair. "When our eyes met, it was love at first sight, and on my eighteenth birthday, we wed. A year later I had Damon and six years after that, you twins were born. Your father never failed to mention how delighted he was to finally have a family of his own." My father, the Prince of the Karda clan, was very similar in looks to me, in the sense that he too had midnight black hair with bright pink eyes. But our happy life soon came to a tragic end on mine and Nick's ninth birthday. Lightning was striking everywhere, the sound of thunder making it hard for me to sleep, though eventually I did. I was awakened a couple hours later by my mother who was holding Nick's hand. I can remember very clearly how terrified she looked. She took us through a hidden passage and took us to our aunt and uncle’s house, our only human relatices. My mother handed us to them and kissed us farewell. She left us and that was the last time when we saw our mother alive. When the time came, we weeped at our peoples' burial but eventually I came to realize that my mother saved me from death for a reason. She wanted me to avenge our people and restore the Karda name, since Nick and I are the sole remaining heirs. I have learned become a powerful witch and my brother is studying to become a warlock.
So far it has been okay, except for the fact that she enrolled us at the local school. "It will help you communicate more," she told us when our Uncle broke the bad news. Nick and I have learned to stick together during good and bad times. We are always together after all nobody can separate twins.
My brother amazes me most time, after all Nick is not a fighter, he’s a guide. I admire him for his gentleness and good heart. He doesn’t care for giving orders, he wants to try and support what I have been training for since I was eleven. My teacher, a great warlock, has recently passed away and left his spell book in my hands. I know I must be a weapon to help restore my people, even if I have to give up everything for my brother’s protection. I am willing to give up my everything. So for the time being, I have to attempt being human. The next morning, our cousins Sara and Stefan were waiting for us.
My morning ritual is pretty simple. Wake up, get dressed, brush hair and teeth and skip breakfast.
“It’s about time,” Sara sighed, twisting a lock of her golden blonde hair around her fingers.
“We are terribly sorry, but we overslept,” answered Nick.
“It’s alright," Stefan yawned, still clearly not awake.
“Well, shall we?” asked Sara. I climbed in the backseat of Sara’s mustang and read some of the higher magic spells. Sara turned on the radio. “Oh, I love this song!” she cried and turned up the volume. “Are you trying to make me deaf?” Stefan complained. I turned my head and stared out the window for the rest of the ride, observing the lack of natural objects on the way. “You okay?” whispered Nick. I nodded and showed him my happy face, something I had trained myself to do just to make Nick happy. In reality inside I felt empty and lonely. Sara pulled into her usual parking place then Nick got out and, as usual, I followed him. “See you,” called Sara and Stefan, in unison.
Nick led the way to first period, American history. “Hey, Serena, are you up to this human school thing?” he whispered.
“Yes, anyway it can't exactly be helped, can it?” I answered smiling and trying to mask my true feelings as we walked up the stairs to the first class. I could sense Nick’s worries for me, which in turn made me feel guilty, but like I said, I will never show weakness.
The classes passed by with the usual swots answering all the questions, and the rest of us letting them do the work we coul
Originally Answered: Does my story sound good?
It is a bunch of telling and not in a good way. It reads like a laundry list of her life until we get to the 'today' part. The weird thing is that it is probably the easiest way to build this world for the reader. However it is annoying. You have to find a better way through conversation, dialogue and thoughts to give your reader this information. Spend some time removing the 'list' and putting the information into the actual story itself. When being asked about attending a human school you might have her respond with some details out loud and then explain the rest in her mind. Also the beginning of the story sounds like you're speaking to the reader. I personally hate that. The reader should be a fly on the wall. I should be listening in on these people living their lives. They shouldn't be addressing me like this is television or a soliloquey.
"Are you up to this human school?"
"I don't know. Magic has always been such a crucial part of my education." I looked away feeling an empty sadness roll over me.
"Hey. Sorry, didn't mean to bring that up."
"No problem." I answered knowing that each day it would get easier. My magic teacher died just a few short months ago and my magic life seemed to be less and less important to my aunt and uncle. They didn't know how it felt to have the ability to perform magic. They were human through and through. By my father and his people they were magic even without spells and my mother, oh how she entranced him the first time he saw her perform...