Topic: How to write a doctor who poem
June 16, 2019 / By Harding Question:
Can somebody please tell me if this is the right way to write a monologue, is it in the right tense and everything. Im worried about it being more like a story than a reflection even though there are reflections and feelings within it?
if its **** please tell me.
does everything make sense, there is a poem intergrated within it
THANKYOU SO MUCH
(Holding and talking to a picture of her daughter as a teenager)
You know that feeling when everything just feels perfect? I guess you could call it happy, unbelievably happy. Well that’s how he made me feel. My heart felt proud when I was with him. It glowed and I wore it bravely on my sleeve, it was complete. He completed it. Nothing could go wrong with my heart in his hands. I no longer felt like a failure, like I wasn’t good enough. As long as I had him, as long as he cared. I was alive and nothing else mattered. School, friends, family, the future, everything was irrelevant. Nothing could be as important as the way he made me feel.
I never thought that the feeling would end, but it did. He just left me without so much as an explanation. The only thing he left was my heart. It was blue, bruised and bleeding and its surface was embedded with the footprints that he left when he walked away all over it. He just abandoned it, abandoned me. I tried to put the broken pieces back together, I tried to make them fit but it just wouldn’t work. I wanted to disappear.
I went down to the river,
I set down on the bank.
I tried to think but couldn't,
So I jumped in and sank.
I came up once and hollered!
I came up twice and cried!
If that water hadn't a-been so cold
I might've sunk and died.
But it was Cold in that water! It was cold!
And I was cold. My mind was a whirlpool and I tried constantly to validate his actions. How could somebody who was supposed to love you do that?. I just wanted to be heartless. I would have given anything to not feel. How could he leave me? How could I still love him? I just wanted to hate him. I wanted him to feel the pain that I felt.
I was nothing without him. Everything I had become or done was for him. I had no future and the one stable thing in my life was gone. I was scared. Scared of the future, scared to try. I wasn’t smart enough or strong enough. I just wasn’t good enough to do it by myself. I just wanted to give up, to crawl into a hole. How much easier that would have been. To just leave every feeling that I had ever felt behind.
I managed to hold it together for a while. Then I got sick and the doctor’s news, it ruined everything. That morning when he left me, he left more than just my broken heart. When he left, he left me “ knocked up”. I wanted him to come and take it back, to comfort me. I couldn’t be responsible for anyone else. I couldn’t even take care of myself.
I took the elevator
Sixteen floors above the ground.
I thought about my baby
And thought I would jump down.
I stood there and I hollered!
I stood there and I cried!
If it hadn't a-been so high
I might've jumped and died.
But it was High up there! It was high!
I don’t know why, but something came over me. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t take you, my baby girl, down with me. I wouldn’t abandon you like he abandoned me. As I thought about holding you in my arms for the first time my heart flushed bright red and I felt something that I hadn’t felt in ages. I felt love, I felt hope. I felt as if there was something to live for. I promised myself I wouldn’t ever leave you. I wouldn’t ever let your little pristine heart endure the pain and abandonment that I did. I would protect you.
When I think about what could have happened, that I may have been without you. I thank god that I made the decision that I did. I have so much to show for it now, more than I ever thought. Although life before seemed unbearable, things changed. Although it may have been easier to leave, to die, deep down I always had a will to live. Everyone wants to live.
So since I'm still here livin',
I guess I will live on.
I could've died for love--
But for livin' I was born
Though you may hear me holler,
And you may see me cry--
I'll be dogged, sweet baby,
If you gonna see me die.
Life is fine! Fine as wine! Life is fine!
Elada | 2 days ago
This is beautifully crafted!
One of the peeves I have about amateur writers and playwrights is that they just bang out stuff and expect the reader to ignore the spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. I LOVE your attention to detail in writing this piece!
Technically, I think it's more of a soliloquy than a monologue, since you're talking to a picture and thus, more voicing your thoughts than conducting a one-sided conversation.
Hence, I have a suggestion or two (or three, I tend to get carried away with suggestions):
1. Drop the photograph bit. Instead, have the monologue as a reply to an implied question by the teen aged daughter. For example, you may begin the monologue with, "Oh, your father? You want to know about your father? Well, you do have that right. To know about your father, I mean. A 15 year old girl should know about the other 50% that made her." Thus implying that you're talking directly to your teen aged daughter and answering her demand to know about her father.
2. Imply her reactions at key points in the monologue. For example, after the point where you say, "But it was Cold in that water! It was cold!" at the end of the first poem, you can add the line, "Don't look at me like that! I was scarcely your age!", thus implying that she is horrified that she might never have been born. Look at other portions of the monologue where you may be able to insert implied reactions.
Okay, I'll hold it down to two suggestions.
On the whole, an excellent piece. My suggestions are just suggestions and in no way imply that the piece is flawed.
OK, first of all, the way that you've integrated the poems into the monologue makes you seem like your writing a monologue for a musical. Is this the intended medium? I also think that it may be a bit to long. If say you were to use this in an audition for a part or speak it in a play/film, the audience of whom your addressing may get bored as a result. On the other hand I think the entire idea is terrific. This is a terrific piece of work. Im assuming that the part posed in this monologue is that of a mother talking to her teenage daughter about her father and also about how she made everything worthwhile? Anyway, I applaud your efforts in creating a masterful piece of work.
P.S. I don't particularly like the comments after each poem verse. (e.g. But it was High up there! It was high!).
in the beginning you're actually not grotesque. i haven't even considered you yet whilst somebody thinks that screw them. you may desire to commence fillin gyour recommendations with valuable issues. do away with those recommendations, each physique has shitty areas of existence. all of us bypass by using this at one factor or yet another some human beings do exactly not admitt it. enable it out guy! it extremely is the superb way. seems do not final continuously that is what's interior that counts. each breath you have is a blessing like top ,now there became one evaluate my existence the place I felt such as you , precisely. human beings could properly be extremely crappy to different individuals. I artwork with idiots all day that i like to push over a balcony. Your existence isn't pointless. you may desire to have desires and consistent with threat objectives. they could not be huge objectives perchance you basically want a tatoo or bypass to the Grand Canyon. you're considerable, if each physique is that shitty to you then you do not want them . dangle out with people who're going to strengthen you up not deliver you down. issues gets extra constructive. in case you want to talk extra be chuffed.. You get one existence make it the superb you are able to. good success