4229 Shares

Can an LDS marriage last if you do not like your in-laws?

Can an LDS marriage last if you do not like your in-laws? Topic: New phone case smells
June 20, 2019 / By Matt
Question: First, I will start off by saying I am LDS (Mormon) my husband and I have been married in the Temple and such. I guess I was just wondering what the probability of a marriage lasting is if you strongly hate your in-laws. I know every family has their issues but this family is unlike any family. The mother is excommunicated, the sister as well and living a life style that we don't necessarily want our children thinking is ok, the father is re married to a woman that still has her ex husbands last name and wants to stay Sealed to the ex husband even after 16 years of marriage to my husbands father. That is to give you a tiny bit of background. To give a little more detail I have serious trust issues with this family. They tried getting my husband and I divorced when we first married by going to the courthouse without our knowledge and telling the clerk that my husband had not taken his insulin at the time of marriage (which was not true) therefor wasn't "medically" in his right mind. The clerk gave the brother the papers which he then came home and threw them at my husband and demanded he sign them. We met and married within one month so they had the CRAZY idea that if someone gets married that quick she MUST be pregnant. So they demanded me to take a pregnancy test to make sure I wasn't trapping their brother/son. Then they SMELT the test to make sure I peed on it. One sister it would seem is crazy and has accused most in the family of sexual abuse while she was seeing a hypno therapist and then later recants her accusations because she was seeing a NEW therapist but had already driven a wedge amongst the family. One of he sisters is a cop. We went to visit and I saw her gun 2 ft from the floor with in reach of my son. I asked her if it was loaded and she said yes, I asked her to please put it up and a few minutes later I find my 2 year old son on her bed playing with it! She didn't even bother to put it up, she was put off by my request so she just threw it on the middle of her bed well within reach AGAIN of my kids. I feel like I am running on low. I feel like spirituality is on low as well. We have been married for 4 years now and my husband supports me and very well knows his family is crazy. We have been counseled before by church leaders that in our case emails and phone calls are sufficient. We live in Utah away from my husbands family only for his father to move 10 minutes from us! The father is trying to force a relationship, quoting scripture and such. Turning this around on me that I am difficult to get close to. He doesn't take into account all of the things his family has done to me but says I need to let it go. I am so stressed and sadly enough I find myself at a new low wondering if our Sealing is strong enough to carry me through this dysfunctional family. My husband is currently attending BYU but we are talking about moving yet again just to get away from this family. I worry about my children growing up with no extended family. Years before I met my husband I used to always pray for great in laws that would love me and accept me as their daughter and part of me feels like Heavenly Father forgot me and something that was so important to me. Gratefully my husband is wonderful and normal but that was still something I really wanted and trust me when I say this will NEVER come to pass with this family. I can't begin to tell you how much I hate them. I know this must sound so awful of me but I don't even think my husband realizes how badly I am scraping the bottom right now.
Best Answer

Best Answers: Can an LDS marriage last if you do not like your in-laws?

Jo Jo | 4 days ago
Look, if the rest of this family even makes it into the Celestial Kingdom, they're not going to be mentally ill anymore. So I doubt being sealed to them is going to be as big an issue there as it seems to you here. Let it go. Take the advice of your church leaders and keep your distance from them - since they are obviously dangerous and harmful people to be around. Honestly, your leaders at church seem to be giving you perfectly fine advice on the matter. I wonder why you thought they weren't enough, and felt the need to come on here asking for additional validation. Oh, and I don't know what sort of family culture you grew up in, but I grew up without seeing most of my extended family for years at a time. Not that we disliked them (we liked them quite a bit), but we lived far away. So we didn't see them. Trust me, your kids won't die not seeing their aunts and uncles - and even grandparents. They'll likely be just fine.
👍 276 | 👎 4
Did you like the answer? Can an LDS marriage last if you do not like your in-laws? Share with your friends

We found more questions related to the topic: New phone case smells


Jo Originally Answered: Can an LDS marriage last if you do not like your in-laws?
Look, if the rest of this family even makes it into the Celestial Kingdom, they're not going to be mentally ill anymore. So I doubt being sealed to them is going to be as big an issue there as it seems to you here. Let it go. Take the advice of your church leaders and keep your distance from them - since they are obviously dangerous and harmful people to be around. Honestly, your leaders at church seem to be giving you perfectly fine advice on the matter. I wonder why you thought they weren't enough, and felt the need to come on here asking for additional validation. Oh, and I don't know what sort of family culture you grew up in, but I grew up without seeing most of my extended family for years at a time. Not that we disliked them (we liked them quite a bit), but we lived far away. So we didn't see them. Trust me, your kids won't die not seeing their aunts and uncles - and even grandparents. They'll likely be just fine.
Jo Originally Answered: Can an LDS marriage last if you do not like your in-laws?
IMO there are two things that would make this situation something that would destroy your marriage. The first is if your husband didn't get how wacko they are and sided with them against you. The second is if you let this hate get into your soul and eat you up from the inside out. Hate is like a disease, like cancer. It will eat you up as surely as a cancer if you let it. It sounds like your husband is with you on the whole concept of these people not being good for your family so that shouldn't be a problem. You're both on the same page and that right there is a HUGE win on your side. Many people are fighting not only their crazy in-laws but their spouse who either doesn't get how crazy their family is or insist on spending lots of time with them anyway. I think right now your focus is in the wrong place. You seem to be focusing on the crazy in-laws and the rotten things they have done to you and I get that - I swear I do. I have my own set of in-laws that I've been dealing with for nearly 26 years. You need to let go of the anger and hatred. I'm not saying that you become friends with these people or that you will all of a sudden like them - in fact I hope that you keep their contact with your family to a minimum but, for your sake...for your childrens sake, you need to let it go. Its unfortunate that your dream of the perfect extended family isn't going to happen but most of us have to accept that our families aren't all that we may have dreamed about as children. Focus on what you do have, your husband and your children. That is what's important. Create an extended family within your friends and ward members. I honestly don't thing moving away is the answer. You need to set boundaries and do not accept any of them stepping outside those boundaries. You can be tough and no nonsence without being filled with anger and hate. One thought that has helped me in times of my life when I've been dealing with forgiveness and anger is thinking about "what would Jesus do?" And I don't mean that in a stupid little pop culture catch phrase way but I mean for you to actually think about it.... what do you think Jesus would do if faced with this same situation? Of course you aren't perfect and you're bound to struggle more than He would but I think... who else can give you a better example of forgiveness than Him? Also of course you can pray for grace and peace and He will help you reach a point where you can truly get rid of that anger and hate that fills you. Be thankful for the wonderful family that you have and let go of what will never be.

Gorden Gorden
IMO there are two things that would make this situation something that would destroy your marriage. The first is if your husband didn't get how wacko they are and sided with them against you. The second is if you let this hate get into your soul and eat you up from the inside out. Hate is like a disease, like cancer. It will eat you up as surely as a cancer if you let it. It sounds like your husband is with you on the whole concept of these people not being good for your family so that shouldn't be a problem. You're both on the same page and that right there is a HUGE win on your side. Many people are fighting not only their crazy in-laws but their spouse who either doesn't get how crazy their family is or insist on spending lots of time with them anyway. I think right now your focus is in the wrong place. You seem to be focusing on the crazy in-laws and the rotten things they have done to you and I get that - I swear I do. I have my own set of in-laws that I've been dealing with for nearly 26 years. You need to let go of the anger and hatred. I'm not saying that you become friends with these people or that you will all of a sudden like them - in fact I hope that you keep their contact with your family to a minimum but, for your sake...for your childrens sake, you need to let it go. Its unfortunate that your dream of the perfect extended family isn't going to happen but most of us have to accept that our families aren't all that we may have dreamed about as children. Focus on what you do have, your husband and your children. That is what's important. Create an extended family within your friends and ward members. I honestly don't thing moving away is the answer. You need to set boundaries and do not accept any of them stepping outside those boundaries. You can be tough and no nonsence without being filled with anger and hate. One thought that has helped me in times of my life when I've been dealing with forgiveness and anger is thinking about "what would Jesus do?" And I don't mean that in a stupid little pop culture catch phrase way but I mean for you to actually think about it.... what do you think Jesus would do if faced with this same situation? Of course you aren't perfect and you're bound to struggle more than He would but I think... who else can give you a better example of forgiveness than Him? Also of course you can pray for grace and peace and He will help you reach a point where you can truly get rid of that anger and hate that fills you. Be thankful for the wonderful family that you have and let go of what will never be.
👍 120 | 👎 2

Gorden Originally Answered: What are the laws on pulling the plug?
It depends on what is stopped by pulling the plug and the policies of the hospital involved. Some measures are considered "basic sustenance" such as feeding and hydration tubes, while others such as intubation and mechanical ventilation are not. Generally, the next of kin or holder of the medical power of attorney can make those decisions unimpeded. But not always. As an example, a cancer patient is admitted to a Catholic hospital. The patient's doctor wants to try a round of chemotherapy, but prior to that, a feeding tube will have to be inserted to boost the patient's nutritional status. The patient agrees, with the stipulation the feeding tube be removed if the chemotherapy is unsuccessful. The doctor agrees, however the hospital does not as their policies state that once a feeding tube is inserted, it cannot be removed at the patient's discretion or with the family's wishes. ---------------- Happened to my father and took me by surprise. I've been an RN for years.
Gorden Originally Answered: What are the laws on pulling the plug?
Varies by state, by hospital policy, and by specific situation. Any competent person can refuse any medical treatment - hydration, food, medicine, surgery, etc. If the patient is not able to make a decision, first check whether he had a prior medical directive. Whatever he directed happen (or not happen) as far as treatment options should be honored by the hospital, and by the person he chooses. The patient can designate anyone he wants; need not be family. A common medical directive is called a DNR. Research that. If patient is not able to make a decision and did not have a medical directive, the decision belongs to the patient's spouse. If not married, then typically to another family member. Obviously, there are going to be problems if the unmarried patient has children and the children disagree. Go read up on Terri Schiavo. She was still married at the time of death, and thus the decision to withdraw support was her husband's - not Ms. Schiavo's parents. That is a good place to start for a research paper. Just a kind FYI :) - we are talking about life and death. "Pulling the plug" is slang and inappropriate.

If you have your own answer to the question new phone case smells, then you can write your own version, using the form below for an extended answer.