Topic: Free business plan for hotel
May 19, 2019 / By Geordie Question:
I am between a rock and a hard place, and desperately need some advice.
A good friend of mine, has a brother getting married in September and asked me to go with her. I shall refer to her as C.
The reason she asked me to go, is because she has problems with anxiety and being in large crowds. While her mum and family will be there, she is afraid of getting overstimulated and taking her mum or dad away from the celebration, because she needs to escape to calm down, thus why she asked me to go. I was uncomfortable with it at first, but told her, as long as she asked the bride and groom, if they were okay with it, and agreed, I would go.
To give you an idea of why C would ask me specifically, I will give a bit of background. She is disabled and has a lot of behavioral issues, as well as being diabetic. She lives with and is almost fully dependent on her family, especially her mum. Very few people can calm her down when she is upset and I am one of them. Sometimes, I go over, or take her out so her parents can have some free time. We go to the movies, or the zoo, or something just order pizza and have a movie marathon. The reason C asked me specifically to go with her is because we are close, and I will not question her need to go, I will take her away when she is ready, or help her calm down if she is feeling overwhelmed, and no one who is really apart of the celebration will have to be disturbed.
It is out of town, so I knew I would have to pay for airfares and accommodation when I agreed to go. I also go an email from C's brother thanking me and telling me it means a lot to him that I am willing to go to a stranger's wedding for C's sake. So I was feeling really good about my decision, until today.
First, C called me crying because the grooms birthday was this weekend and she couldn't afford to send him a gift, because she is a pensioner and he flipped out. I know he can be a little snobby and this really upset me, but I decided it is family business, and not my place to intervene.
Then, I got the following email, sent to everyone on the guest list which is close to 500 people.
I would just like to say thank you to everyone for all of your love and support as we plan our wedding. Also, I want to say thank you, for being so accommodating with the invitations. I know I sent them out far earlier than I was supposed to, but I have such a large guest list, I wanted to leave time for any last minute changes. Thank you to everyone who replied promptly.
As for the catering, we will be serving a delicious 3 course meal. The cost for the meal is $175 per person and that includes alcohol, there will also be a full bar.
Also, we are asking for a $15 donation per person to donate to the church. The wedding starts at 3:00pm sharp, so we ask that everyone arrives by 2:00pm for pictures.
Thank you everyone! We look forward to seeing everyone there.
I obviously left out names, but how tacky is that? Asking for people to pay for their dinners via email?!
They have also circulated an "unofficial" acceptable gifts list, by word of mouth, because it is rude to ask for gifts outright. I was going to do what I usually do in these situations, give them a "Congratulations" card with $100 in it, but now I am not sure. They want me to pay $175 for a meal, and I don't even know what it is!
I am livid, and frankly, my husband wants me to back out, and I am considering it. The only thing stopping me is C, I do not want to upset her. I am just not sure what to do.
What is the better option here. I mean, it is obvious gifts are expected, which isn't unusual for a wedding, but ontop of my flight, accommodation, a new dress, as there is a dress code, I am also expected to pay for my dinner, AND the priest.
Which is the better option? Irritating my husband or disappointing my friend who is counting on me?
Sorry it is so long, but any advice you can offer would be so very appreciated.
Thank you, to everyone.
I wish I were kidding. I thought it was a joke at first, I also did the math.
I suspect that $7500 donation has something to do with their 6-week-world-wide-honeymoon-extravaganza...
I am absolutely disgusted.
Sorry, I should have specified.
No, and extra $200 isn't going to make a difference. Its not the financial side that is the issue. It is that they're asking everyone to pay for a meal, through email, without even having the courtesy to tell us what it is. Asking for a donation for the priest, AND circulating an "acceptable" gift list.
All while making a huge deal about their 6 week-world-wide-honeymoon, AND they have a 500 person guest list.
It is just excruciatingly rude. They didn't even call and ask, they sent out a mass email!
@Diamond, you're making me laugh! I love to cook so perhaps I shall turn up with my own 3 course meal!
I am a little worried though, as they didn't ask about any food allergies. I am deathly allergic to coconut, and I live in Australia where it is used in A LOT of things. I swear every other day, I find it in some food I am attempting to eat.
Frankly, I find you and your answer offensive. I find it quite tactless for you to refer to C as "my wheelchair bound friend" when she is not. She has severe spina bifida, but she can walk. It does cause her a lot of pain and issues though. Thank you very much.
Also, why should I take ONE FAMILY MEMBER's douchebaggery out on C's entire family, when they've only ever been nice to me?
Also, yes I did call and confirm with the family, they do expect for each guest to pay $175. Thankfully they are not enforcing the donation. The reason they sent an email, is apparently, making 500 phone calls is much too time consuming.
I want to say thank you to everyone who answered, and gave advice.
I called C's parents today, to back out because this entire situation is a fiasco. Apparently, not only are the guests paying for their meals, but the bridal party are also required to pay for their meals, and we all found out at the same time. I suspect there will be fewer guests, and a smaller bridal party then the bride and groom want. They are holding firm in their decision though.
On the upside, C's mum said if I cover all of the expenses I knew of, when I agreed to go, that they would cover the cost of my meal, because it is really important to C that I am there.
Thanks again, :)
Dilbert | 9 days ago
back out now. i hope you haven't yet bought your airline tickets.
or go, wait at the hotel, buy your own dinner and pick her up, like you were her private nurse/good friend. McDonalds is sounding really good right now.. arbys?
edit: 500 x $15 for the church is $7500. are you kidding?
edit2: honestly this is one of the rudest scenarios i have ever seen on yahoo answers. (not you, of course) . and i know you're not a troll. speechless.
edit 3: i would show up at the venue with my "wendy's" in a bag.
edit4: or a bucket of KFC and sides for the whole table.. or pointedly tailgating with the KFC in the parking lot. card table, chairs... now I'm being a smart azz...
edit 5: i went and took my morning shower and i was fantasizing about all 500 people having tailgate party in the the parking lot with kegs of beer. but really, what will happen is that all but about 50 people will decline, how sad. and... c cannot afford to go either.
edit 6: 175 dollars is my budget for food for the month. if you go, i do think the family should pay your way.
The groom's e-mail was vague as to whether they were charging $175 per plate or they were paying $175 per plate. Because you are so close to the family, ask C's parents exactly what is expected of you, financially. Making a donation to the church is NOT mandatory, so I would not worry about that in the least bit. I would NOT pay for my own food as you are a chaperon to his sister, not an official wedding guest of the bride and groom. Regardless of the actual contents of the three course meal, it is the epitome of classlessness to ask people to pay for their dinner. If they want to sell tickets to their wedding they should advertise it as such. I suppose after that e-mail the guest list will shrink to about a hundred people.
Your husband is right. But, before jumping the gun, call C's parents to get the final word on what that e-mail meant. Oh, you ARE NOT obligated to bring a gift, at all!! I would bring a card and let them know that your presence to escort his sister is his wedding gift (airfare is not cheap). As a matter of fact, it would be nice if C's parents helped you at least pay for your hotel stay for this enormous favor you are doing for them so they can enjoy their son's wedding.
If this is for real and they do want $175.00 from you, I would tell C and her parents that this is way too much of an expectation and had you known, you would have never agreed to this act of kindness because it is a financial burden or, skip the meal and brown bag it like the waitstaff would.
I think your friend's family (and/or whoever was involved in making these plans) is seriously lacking in basic manners. You, their GUESTS, are in essence paying for their wedding and/or reception. You don't throw a party and expect your guests to pay for their own meals. It is just not done, not if you have any manners whatsoever. Just. Not. Done.
And to advise everyone of this by email, so they have plenty of time to prepare themselves for this delicious three-course meal? If I'm going to spend that kind of money I expect to have some say in what I'll be eating. At $175 a plate it had better be damned good and there better be a buttload of it - but I'd be willing to bet neither is the case. With 500 people on that guest list, even discounting those who can't attend, that dinner'll be cold, tasteless, meager and probably over/underdone by the time you are served.
I'm sorry, I'd have to call my friend and decline. I'd want no part of that fiasco. What next, guests will be expected to donate towards their honeymoon and birth control...?
Yeah, f*ck all that noise.
I won't comment on rudeness or nerve, since it is what it is, and no amount of pisstivity or outrage will make any difference.
I will just offer this advice. Do not back out and let C and her parents down. That will just hurt them needlessly. Just go, and don't eat. Look at the whole night as a business arrangement. You are there to do the "job" you promised to do. You can eat before or after. Bring the gift you intended, as if it were a normal wedding and enjoy the time with C.
You poor soul. These people have ZERO tact!!!
I get having a cash bar, but asking guests to PAY FOR THEIR OWN DINNER!!!?? I'm disgusted.
At the very least they could have sent you the menu so you know what you're going to pay for (for those who won't decide to just not go - I wouldn't) And $175?!!! That is SOOO expensive!! How on earth could they expect this?! Plus your travel costs, outfit etc.
If you do go, you DO NOT GIVE THEM A GIFT OF ANY SORT! You give them a pretty card wishing them a happy marriage - THAT'S IT!
I know it's tough because of C. But I say - don't go. It's unfortunate, but the bridal couple are totally unreasonable. Depending on your relationship with C, tell her why you can't attend or make up an excuse. Like you said - her family WILL be there if she needs help and support. But you should not support this selfish couple whom you barely know.
And as for the church "donation" - it's daylight robbery. This is them MAKING MONEY out of their guests to 1. cover the priests' actual (small) fee 2. extra spending money for their honeymoon.
Don't be a victim of this scam.
from that email, I understood it as they are asking you to pay $15 for the church because they are paying for your $175 dinner.
But you say they want you to pay for the dinner AND donate the $15.
I understand why you are angry about this..but you don't say if you can afford this $175 additional expense or not. Clearly, you don't want to pay it...and I don't blame you..but will it severely hurt your home finances if you spend it?
If you can afford it, I think you should still go on the trip with your friend and pay for your meal. You agreed to go and it sounds like she really needs you.
If you honestly think paying this $175 will put a damper on your rent/mortgage bill, electric bill, water..ect..then don't go and explain this to your friend.
If you do go...Do not donate the $15 to the church and do not give them $100 gift. Since you are paying $175 for your meal, just give them a congratulations cards.
You say you would have given $100 as a gift...i say just pay the $75 more for food and give them no gift.
WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!! this is crazy. not only should you decline maybe C should not attend either! If she has this much anxiety.
My uncle just got married last year and his wife's sister has super anxiety around people so the sister did not attend the wedding.
Whoever this woman is is super crazy. I have NEVER heard of a wedding where you have to pay your own dinner. I agree with Diamond and openly show your discontent. It's probably not your place to email her with a "are you kidding me?" but I am sure other people in her family have!!!! You cannot have a wedding you cant afford!
175 for a meal??????? it better be a big enough meal to last a month!
I agree that you should probably speak to C's family about the email and get their response, as well as what they intend to do (attend or no?)
I'm torn by how to respond. I can be quite nervy in spite of knowing what "proper etiquette" dictates. This is so outrageous I might just dispense with etiquette.
1) I might return the email an cc the whole crowd with something like "Ha, ha, ha! That's hilarious! Since you can't possibly be serious I was wondering if you will be letting the guests know what is on the menu so those of us with food allergies can know what to expect?"
2) I might respond (privately) with my own itemized list of expenses and a request for compensation for attending the wedding.
Seriously, I've heard of this sort of thing happening but never for so much and never coming from people who should know how outrageous this is.