2834 Shares

What do you think of this story I wrote?

What do you think of this story I wrote? Topic: Never doing homework pictures
June 20, 2019 / By Mariel
Question: Walking through the sea of beautiful orange and yellow, under the warmth of the ialian sun. The sunflowers touch my arms as I walk through. You can smell the sweetness as the wind blows through the petals of the flowers. I lay down and stair up at the baby blue sky. I look for shapes in the white puffy clouds, calmness rushes over me as I stand up to leave. I pick one sunflower an walk back to town. When I arrive home I give the flower to my mother and leave for college. A few years later I get a call from my father telling me my mother has passed away. I fly back home and when I arrive my whole family is there. I go to the back room and sit down I see a photo albulm in the back of the room and I pick it up. Smashed on top of a baby picture if me and my mother holding me Is the sunflower. She never lost it.
Best Answer

Best Answers: What do you think of this story I wrote?

Korrine Korrine | 6 days ago
You've pulled us through these events too quickly. You can't say, "A few years later" in the same breath as arriving home and leaving for college; it's all jammed together in one paragraph. Also, do you know that sunflowers have no scent, and that their stems are tough and bristly, not the kind of thing you'd pick without a struggle? Also, if the mother smashed the sunflower on top of the picture, how big was that album? A sunflower can be ten inches across, like a dinner plate. Besides doing your homework as a writer and being sure of what you describe, remember that the reader does not want to be dragged full-speed through the space of several years. You can start anywhere you want, use flashbacks, it doesn't have to be in chronological order. For instance: The whole house felt strange to me now, not entirely silent, but altered in spirit. I could hear the relatives speaking in lowered voices downstairs; I couldn't bring myself to join them. Wandering into her room, I saw that everything was perfect, no dust, the bed made beautifully, the photo album on the dresser where it always lay. It was as if she had stepped out just moments ago, perhaps to do the dishes or make a cup of tea. Surely I knew what it would do to me to look at the album, to see the shining faces and the better times, and the beauty that was my mother. But there I was, opening it now. The wildflower was there, the one I brought back to her the day I left for college. It was pressed atop my baby picture on the very first page. Here was the first time she had seen me and the last memory I had given her before I went away for good, like bookends to my life with her.
👍 140 | 👎 6
Did you like the answer? What do you think of this story I wrote? Share with your friends

We found more questions related to the topic: Never doing homework pictures


Korrine Originally Answered: What do you think of this story I wrote?
You've pulled us through these events too quickly. You can't say, "A few years later" in the same breath as arriving home and leaving for college; it's all jammed together in one paragraph. Also, do you know that sunflowers have no scent, and that their stems are tough and bristly, not the kind of thing you'd pick without a struggle? Also, if the mother smashed the sunflower on top of the picture, how big was that album? A sunflower can be ten inches across, like a dinner plate. Besides doing your homework as a writer and being sure of what you describe, remember that the reader does not want to be dragged full-speed through the space of several years. You can start anywhere you want, use flashbacks, it doesn't have to be in chronological order. For instance: The whole house felt strange to me now, not entirely silent, but altered in spirit. I could hear the relatives speaking in lowered voices downstairs; I couldn't bring myself to join them. Wandering into her room, I saw that everything was perfect, no dust, the bed made beautifully, the photo album on the dresser where it always lay. It was as if she had stepped out just moments ago, perhaps to do the dishes or make a cup of tea. Surely I knew what it would do to me to look at the album, to see the shining faces and the better times, and the beauty that was my mother. But there I was, opening it now. The wildflower was there, the one I brought back to her the day I left for college. It was pressed atop my baby picture on the very first page. Here was the first time she had seen me and the last memory I had given her before I went away for good, like bookends to my life with her.

Jaydon Jaydon
Very nice plot, well written, you need to brush up your grammar, as time passes by for sure it will if you keep on writing, read more more and more.. that will improve your writing skills would appreciate if you share more stories if you have any, kindly notify me by any means..
👍 50 | 👎 3

Evelyn Evelyn
It painted a really nice picture. Watch when you say you when you're writing from your perspective. Typically, you is not used in formal writing. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...
👍 45 | 👎 0

Colena Colena
gr8 gr8 just gr8 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...
👍 40 | 👎 -3

Colena Originally Answered: What do you think of my story so far? (p.s. i wrote this in 30 min)?
It's actually quite good (your a MUCH better writer then I am!) Just fix up a couple of grammatical errors and it will be SPOT ON! P.S: Good Luck writing the rest of it!

If you have your own answer to the question never doing homework pictures, then you can write your own version, using the form below for an extended answer.