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Can someone read my essay and please give me advice on how it can be better?

Can someone read my essay and please give me advice on how it can be better? Topic: Someone inspire you essays
July 19, 2019 / By Alana
Question: thank you so much here it is: Political, economic, and social conditions have often led to turning points that have changed the course of history for nations and peoples. Example, The French Revolution. It was the age of reason/enlightenment. The causes of the French Revolution are concerned with the class differences that were existent in France. France gained a lot of their power, influence, and wealth. In France these people were put into categories. First and second estates consist of the rich nobility and the clergy. Over 95% of the population was the third estate which included bourgeoisie (middle class) and the poverty-stricken lower class. Conflicts began between the third estates when they demanded an equal say in government. Some of the political, economic and social causes of revolution that occurred in France which are that Louis XVI were a weak ruler and his wife was unpopular. American Revolution inspired political ideas. Wars and royal extravagance created debt, inflation and famine caused problems such as peasants making little money but paid high taxes. That in my opinion is injustice. The Revolution and ensuing wars with Europe devastated France’s economy. The French feudal system eventually was abolished. I can relate the French to Latin America because the French Revolution inspired political ideas. Royal officials committed injustices and repression. Napoleon’s conquest of Spain triggered revolt. Peninsulares and creoles controlled wealth and lower classes toiled as peasants with little income or as slaves. Only peninsulares and creoles had power just like in the French Revolution, only the rich nobility and the clergy had control and the peasants were being treated unfairly. The Mestizos, mulattos, Africans, and Indians had little status in Latin America. In Latin America there was a great deal of racism. Educated Creoles spread enlightenment ideas. Nearly all colonial rules in Latin America ended, new countries were established and representation government was slow to develop. The military or the wealthy controlled much of the region until the late 1900’s. Many places kept the plantation system and much of Latin America continued to have a strong class system as well. The American republic, because of the enlightenment ideas, became a symbol of freedom in Europe and Latin America. The United States constitution became a model for liberal government. The American Revolution’s success inspired others to revolt against their governments. In conclusion The French Revolution and Latin America have changed our nations and peoples but there are still a few things that are still with us such as, racism. It is still all around us but it isn’t as bad as it was before. There are positive things to say about the revolutions though. Lower class people aren’t being treated unfairly like back then and enlightenment ideas have helped this world a lot. People are afraid of change sometimes but change has given us more opportunities even if some were negative there were still some that were positive that has helped us a lot. thanks a lot taylor loves 2 cheer =D
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Best Answers: Can someone read my essay and please give me advice on how it can be better?

Travers Travers | 1 day ago
very good! you had a great topic sentence and detailed facts and examples that support it so nicely. try not to use such traditional transition words, that is really my only advice. If you must use a traditional transition word make sure that it is not at the start of the sentence. all in all, good job!
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Travers Originally Answered: Can you read my essay and give me advice on how to improve it?
first paragraph- dont start a sentence with "but" (the third sentence). -last sentence, not good. say something about what you are going to say next- the key points of what you are going to say next. second- dont start a sentence with "or." this paragraph is repetiative. try putting facts and information in it. also watch out for punctuation. there a needed commas in there. third- doesnt really flow well. it just sounds like you are trying to say the same thing in different ways. watch punctuation here too. fourth- dont start a sentence with "because." last sentence- just say "Therefore, the driving age should not go up." cut of the end sh!t. you did a good job not using conjunctions (example- don't, can't, ect.). i dont know whats going on with that first random sentence right in the beginning... is that suppost to be the intro paragraph? you should have two other very vauge sentences in front of that what you have. i dont know about your school, but we need one intro paragraph, three body paragraphs, and one concluding paragraph. the intro and cuncluding would have three sentences and the bodies would hold eight. it seems like you rushed through this. and i dont think you did any research or anything at all on it. through the whole paper, it seems as if you are just trying to say the same thing in different words. it doesnt flow well. i think thats it. sorry if i was a little harsh. im just trying to help you before you turn in. good luck! edit- yeah, what the other answer said- you have to write out "fifteen." dont put the number.
Travers Originally Answered: Can you read my essay and give me advice on how to improve it?
First of all, when you type a number (15), type it in word form. Here are some pointer you may want to consider: 1. Never, I mean NEVER, start a sentence with "or". It shows that you don't know how to write a correct sentence with proper grammar. 2. Double check you essay, you repeated things toooooo many times. It's like I was reading what a broken disc said.... 3. I love the vocabualry, but don't get overwhelmed. 4. Try to work on organizing your paper a bit better....you did good, though. This is a really nice essay, other that those 4 things I listed above, you essay is excellent!

Reed Reed
Babe, I don't think people have the time/interest in something so long. get in, get out. Sorry.
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Reed Originally Answered: Can you read this and give me some advice?
Interesting prompt. Glad you took it and went somewhere with it. Whenever I see interesting prompts, I tend to mull them over before passing on from them without bringing my ideas to the page. So I commend you for taking the chance. The writing isn't THAT bad, to be honest. It's ordinary. Nothing really pulled at me, and I saw everything coming. With that being said, I would suggest more detail and a heightened sense of emotion. Try to truly convey how the main character is feeling in an unusual way. Twist the story and really make it your own. And try to end with an unconventional ending.. Your grammar needs work, even though it didn't make me cringe (that bad). ... But.... That's always a skill that come with time and practice. Edit and have it revised and edited.. look up the mistakes you made and make a mental note for the future. It's simple (but important) for your growth as a writer.
Reed Originally Answered: Can you read this and give me some advice?
This is a good read, if this were to be an entire novel I would read it! Though, I do think that the whole cutting off her toes was a bit much. I rate it a 10 though, because Cinderella is my favorite Disney Classic. Very intriguing.

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