Topic: Mind map for writing a story
June 20, 2019 / By Japeth Question:
Recently I've been faintly sketching out an idea for a story I plan to write. I don't have a lot of it mapped out yet, but I would like to know whether the idea could actually "work", before I spent any more time on it.
Here's the gist of it:
The main character is a 17 year old boy, who is emancipated (legally independent of one's parents); and both his parents are dead. The story revolves around him and his 16 year old, Wiccan, Emo girlfriend. They are both very strange and unusual, but they don't necessarily "fit" each other. The girl is a typical representation of an overly-dramatic, emotional, teenager, so she quickly gets attached to her boyfriend. But he, unfortunately, is incredibly apathetic and cold, and doesn't actually feel the same way towards her. However, he is very intelligent, and talented. Ironically, he is also skilled at understanding, and detecting others' feelings and thoughts. At this point you might be asking: then why is he dating the girl anyway? Well, he has some skeletons in his closet. He has a very strange fixation, with gore, and blood. In that way, he finds the girl sexually appealing. He sees his desires as evil, and wicked, and attempts to fight them. But his cold, apathetic side plays hand to hand with his lust and temptations, and in combination, they eventually take control of him. And so, when his girlfriend ask him to run away with him, after some argument with her parents (typical teen drama), he sees it as an opportunity. He leads the girl far away from town, and brutally murders her - fulfilling his perverted desires.
So what do you think? I do realize the concept is slightly gruesome, but I found it interesting none the less. Any critique will be welcomed, though, keep in mind, I will add more content to the story.
Fraser | 9 days ago
It's terribly stereotypical, particularly for the girl. Wiccan, emo, strange, over-dramatic. The fact that you throw in her religion in that list makes it sound suspiciously like an afterthought, a buzzword that will catch readers even though you're not really familiar with it or how it might be relevant.
And then you imply his interest in her is because of a fixation with gore and blood, again going back to emo and goth.
Why does he feel his desires are evil? That's usually a religious thing, yet you don't even mention his religion.
The girl seems to be cast as a victim the entire way through. There's no strength in her. All of her characteristics are negative. Readers aren't going to root for *either* of these characters.
This feels very disjointed. You have a bunch of elements but you're not sure how they are relevant or forward the story.
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This is going to be quite a hard topic to write about but judging from your description it sounds like you know what you are doing. It sounds very interesting. Its a very unique and interesting plot for a story i think you should go for it. :)