HELP! I HATE MY FAMILY? Topic: How to write a letter to your big brother
June 19, 2019 / By Doug
Question: Ok , here we go. When I was growing up My mother was homeroom mother and really involved till I was about 14. My father worked nightshift 6 days a week and I also have 2 brothers one younger and one older. My youngest brother has been in and out of jail and juvenile facilities forever and he used to talk to my mom with such disrespect.Ive grown to hate him. She would get on top of him and beat him up when she had enough of his cocky mouth. Ive had a full time job since I was 14, I paid for my car and Insurance everything and even gave her rent money 50$ a week, clothes you name it. Even college. When my car loan book that my mother had given me, was fianlly paid off, I handed it to her and said yah!! Im finally done! I was in 12th grade of highschool, she looked at me and said, I had to use some of the money you gave me for your car payment toward the bills. What? My father made really good money and she worked too. I said well then u have a couple more car payments to make don't you. Then I found out she was cheating on my father, I went to the wife of the man my mother was having an affair with ( she wrote my dad a letter and I got it before he did) I fixed it. My mom agreed to meet her and she stopped seeing him. Then, My father I think found out, so he started drinking alot. My mother ended up leaving him. She called me at work and said I just want you to know I just left your father. I called and called my dad. No answer so I left work and got home to the ambulance and my dad tried to kill himself. There is so much more, but my fingers are starting to hurt. Im now 28 with a 7 month old boy and a husband. Ive helped my mother out numerous times w/ money and I sorta feel like her mother most of the time. My father is now a pothead alcohic and calls me to come fix every little thing or rants and raves on my answering machine until it beeps. I moved out after trying to take care of my dad a couple years ago. My mother is selfcentered and I have to walk on eggshells about how and what I say to her. I finally had enough and ended our relationship (me and my mothers) the other day. Im still really mad and just want her to grow up!
Best Answer


Brendon Brendon | 5 days ago
Two words: family counseling. You have been through a lot that no child should ever have to go through. Your mom did not act like a good mother to you, and now your brother and father have also got a lot of problems, some of which no doubt are due to her childish and selfish behaviour. I feel sorry for your family, but you do not need to suffer. Please get in touch with a professional counselor. If you can get your dad involved in some AA or other mental health and addiction counseling you will also be doing him a big favor too. If you need to keep a distance from your mom for your own personal sanity, then so be it. You now must take care of your OWN family. I wish you all the best.
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Brendon Originally Answered: I hate my life,i hate my family,i am always depressed and lonely,i have no friends help! =(?
If your sure you hate your family and are absolutely sure that the cause of all your problems is because of your family, go to a Social Worker, one of those people that take you away from your family and place you with another family. Forget about your family for awhile, if your able to shave your legs even though they don't want you to, you should be able to wear make up and pluck your eyebrows(i honestly think you should get it done by a pro or don't do it at all(my mom went tweezers crazy when she was 15 and now they look like a clown, srsly not joking)) and wear whatever you want, and also shop wherever you want. Btw they may let you wear make up wear skinny jeans, and pluck your eyebrows if you buy the make up, jeans, and tweezers yourself. Plus since your bestfriend isn't your friend anymore it shouldn't matter if you can visit her, and you said your parents made you hang out with girls, you where bounde to make friends with one of them. Also you shouldn't be mad or ashamed your bi/lesbian, plus your probably going through puberty, it often make both males an females question their sexuality, but you shouldn't be worrying about that, that's whats collage is for! xD btw you parents probably made you hang out with girls more cuz the wanted you to be more ladylike i hanged around with boys when i was 9-11 and i was so butch, i still am, but my mom did the same as yours did(make me hang /w girl) the only diff is that i wear more fitting pants and actually brush my hair. And it is okay to cry, i always do always have, now i just cry most times i don't know why. I never liked meeting new people too, i still don't like to. BUT they are easier to make friends with compared to people who have seen you and know you(just your name and family). They are easier to make friends with cuz they don't know a thing about you. For example i meet me cousin last summer for the first time, at first we where like "Hi" and asking what our favorite things where and what we liked to do, and probably a half hour later we where talking about our friends back home, just imagine, that would be easier as to suppose if i where to go up to a girl who knows the general info on my(i love to draw, i'm on computer a lot and i only have 2 friends) life, and cold judge me on that since those are the major things in my life and might not be interested with some anti-social-anime-loving girl. Trust me know one actually understands you unless hey are going trough or have gone trough what your going trough, and most of the time family are the most non-understandable people around. I also wanna die a lot of the times but i also wanna live... You said that your brother are m 18, 19 and 23 and your sister is 22, correct? Well they aren't miners like you. They are basically adults by law and your still a child. You mother could just be WAY over protective of you who know it could be totally different by the time you turn 18 too. i;ve been in that position too, where my mom just ignores me and acts like i'm such a pain. I'll ask where shes going, cuz i may need something and she'll ignore me i'll yell even and i KNOW shes ignoring me... I have imagined and hoped that one day i could be taken away from her and put with my father, but i know that would just be harder for him cuz he's not that wealthy and is already taking care of my two other sisters. And no you aren't the most ugliest girl on Earth. There are women, young girls, baby girls on earth who are deformed and are isolate themselves because they are afraid of people who'll make fum of them. Also it kinda upsets me cuz on interview on some of them they say the could just be a normal person and get acne like normal girls and have conflicts with others. wow i wrote a lot! O.O
Brendon Originally Answered: I hate my life,i hate my family,i am always depressed and lonely,i have no friends help! =(?
honey I was so very much like you when I was your age. Now I am old enough to be your mother. That's scary. Sweet heart it will get better. Being the youngest sucks. Your parents are most likey not ready to see their "baby" grow up. they aren't ready to see you dating or hanging out with boys. They want to keep you the baby as long as they can. I know you aren't a baby, they know it. But they aren't ready to accept it. i am sure if you ask her your mom had a hard time sending you to kindergarten. She probably wanted to keep you home longer. I know it is hard to convience them you aren't a baby. Esp. since you are still a child. 13 is way to young to be dating and wearing provocative clothing. i.e. skinny jeans and make up. Maybe start by asking to wear lip gloss or cool hair assories. Don't rush growing up by wearing clothing that is too old for you. When you are in your 20's you will have plenty of time to wear that stuff. You also have to look at your older siblings. Did they anything stupid that your parents are worried you might repeat. Are your parents afraid that they might make the same mistakes raising you that they did raising your siblings? Maybe they are just being over protective. As far as the depression goes. Most teenagers are depressed at one point or another. It comes with the hormones. Which leads me to the sex thing. Being gay doesn't happen just becasue you aren't allowed to be around boys. (if it did every girl that ever went to a private girls school would be a lesibian) You are either born that way or you aren't. You said people label you as emo or as depressed etc. KIDS ARE MEAN! Every kids young and teen goes through this. IGNORE IT. You are the only one you really knows who you are. Don't listen to people to label you. You say you have no friends. I went through the same thing a few years back. I was in my 20's and felt very alone and had no real friends. But I joined some activites that I enjoyed and made some good friends. Maybe you can do that. Are there any clubs at school or the YMCA you could join. 13 isn't too young for girl scouts or 4 H. Could you take dance classes, yoga, or join an art club. Anything that you might be able to talk your parents into letting you go out of the house to join? It would get you out of the house and you could make friends. The last thing I want to suggest to you is a way to vent your depression, frustration and anger. I used to write poetry and short storeis. No they weren't all that great but it really helped me to have a place to pour out all my emotions. Hang in there sweetheart. It will get better. I promise you that. You are still very young. It will get better!
Brendon Originally Answered: I hate my life,i hate my family,i am always depressed and lonely,i have no friends help! =(?
I'm 17 and my mom want let me do anything. im only allowed to stay in my room and use my computer i dont have friends either i can really relate to you and what you are saying. just keep your head up and stay in school things will get when you get older.hopefully you will find friends thats just like you.;) you parents are doing this because they care about you its a crazy world out there and full weird people if your bi then thats your choice don't worry about what people say. just be yourself people will like you for you.and try having a long talk with your mom. ps.im here if you need someone to talk to :)

Ahab Ahab
I think you really need a timeout from your parents! Why don't you give yourself a break for whatever period of time you think - a month, 6 months, a year, whatever. During that time, concentrate your time and energies on yourself, your little boy and your husband. If a parent calls, politely but firmly tell them you are sorry but you cannot help them right now. You do not have to justify your response. The exchange doesn't have to be confrontational or finger-pointing. Just a simple statement that you are unable to assist in whatever the crisis de jour is. If they start whining, get abusive, whatever, say you are sorry, you have to leave/hang up the phone. My sense of it is that your parents have no incentive to be responsible for themselves as they are very adept at getting you/others to do it for them. Clearly, if there is a true emergency (hospitalization, eg. or serious illness or accident) then it would be appropriate for you to step in. But absent that, and unless they are very old (70+), then it is not appropriate for you to intervene in their behalf. You sound like you are very smart and hardworking. Your accomplishments are extraordinary given your age and background. Love your son & husband up close & personal. Love your folks detached and at a distance. Good luck!
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Ahab Originally Answered: I hate myself.and so does my family?
I'd suggest the book fight club by chuck palahniuk or the film i don't know of a female equivalent but you should watch it a couple dozen times minimum either way a quick synopsis it's only after we've truly hit bottom that we can look up and see the world the way it is then after we have nothing left to lose that we can get up and go out and do what we want screw everyone else the fact is that if you have nothing to live for then you're free to make mistakes free from fear free to do wtf you want and so hit bottom and embrace it say I'm 17 i don't have it all figured out I'm not perfect i don't know what I'm doing I'm confused angry scared frustrated broken whatever then do the stupid homework finish this year of school do the senior year with a smile then go to college then go to work at the gas station like all the other college graduates doesn't that sound fun or find something that's yours that you can enjoy and you do that write the next harry potter write the next Rebecca black Friday song or something better in the book/film the film Edward Norton's character says he ran till his veins pumped battery acid go give that a try run till you're exhausted no more stress no more thoughts just burning throbbing pain then cry then get up and realize that being lost is freedom
Ahab Originally Answered: I hate myself.and so does my family?
It sounds like you need some positive reinforcement for the things you do well rather than being put down for everything thats 'wrong.' You can start changing this pattern yourself. Get a notebook or a journal and start listing as many positives in it that you do or that happen to you each day. Positive things only! It doesn't matter how small or mundane it is so long as it's a positive. Did you get up on your own, remember to brush your teeth, get to school on time? Positive, positive, positive! Do this for a few days, then list three or four things you enjoy or feel you are good at. Do you like to draw? Great! Listen to music? Great! Enjoy the beauty of nature? Super! Now each day choose one of the things on your list and write about it. What do you enjoy about it? How does it make you feel? What would you like to try with it sometime? You can find more positive journaling ideas at our website www.yourlifeyourvoice.org . You'll find downloadable journal pages to help you expand your positives book. Set some goals in your positives book. Make them realistic and measurable. Instead of "I want to get all A's from now on' your goal can be 'I want to get a better grade next quarter than I did last quarter in at least 2 classes.' Also talk to your parents. Tell them that you want to make some positive changes in your life and ask them for their support. Let them know that it would mean a lot to you if they would support you in the things you do right, rather than focus on what you do wrong. Just remember, you all have to have patience with yourselves and each other. Changing old patterns of interacting is often a difficult process. You are going to backslide sometimes, your parents are going to backslide sometimes. Don't get discouraged, keep working on improving things in your life bit by bit. Record your progress in your journal. Look back occasionally to the beginning of the journal and see how far you've come. If you feel like you need some one-on-one support or just someone to talk to, please call us at the Boys Town National Hotline. Our number is 1-800-448-3000. Counselors are available 24 hours a day 365 days a year to help you with this or any other issues you may have. There is also a website you should check out, www.yourlifeyourvoice.org . Counselors can be reached by email and even live chat during certain hours. Counselor CL Boys Town National Hotline 1-800-448-3000

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