Can you give me advice concerning my 12 year old niece?
Topic: Homework websites for parents
June 16, 2019 / By Duke Question:
The family has financial & marital problems. Then the baby boy of the family (4 yrs old) died suddenly. The big sister is turning grief inward. Tt only comes out as anger. She's very smart, but wouldn't turn in homework, so she went to summer school. Then she managed to get kicked out, so she will be repeating 6th grade. The parents love her but aren't very strict disciplenarians.
She doesn't exercise much.
The family doesn't eat right & kids get themselves snacks like chips & coke.
She sleeps all day & stays up all night.
She locks herself in her room all day.
She has hinted at suicide. We are treating this as a serious cry for help, but we think thats all it was.
Medication is NOT an option.
The family is Christian, so don't give trite anwers like "Put your faith in God." They are already doing that. They need HARD advice WITH DETAILS & WEBSITES. But Bible verses to support suggestions will carry a lot of weight with them.
Please include website
They are trying to find a councelor they can afford
The father is unrealistically opposed to medication. In the case of a 12 year old, I am cautious, too. The brain of a kid this age is going through so much change. Medication could help, but it could make things worse. Non-medical things should be tried first.
The little brother was an autistic child that drowned in Texas. She had resentments against him while he was alive (natural for siblings of autistic kids) now that adds guilt to grief.
Best Answers: Can you give me advice concerning my 12 year old niece?
Bruce | 3 days ago
I was thirteen and was hit hard with serious depression. I was hospitalized for it and was given medication and am back to normal. I had just turned 13. Hospitalization is an option, it helped me very much. I and my family are Christian, and while faith is neccesary, action also needs to be taken. Take the suicide hint seriously. Medication does need to be an option, and the parents need to be more strict. I really hope this helps.
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Originally Answered: 9 year old niece tried to kil herself mom is willing to let her live with me should i take her away from mom?
Children that young don't understand this kind of adult action. I would bet that she wishes her mom and dad where back together again. This poor girl is lost and feeling very alone. Her mother saying that she must decide between her daughter and her boyfriend is absolutely disgraceful. Her obligation is too her daughter first, her life later. This is just incredible to me how some women feel that they can bring a child into this world and then dump them when the going gets rough. Her father allowing lawyers to influence the duty he has to his child is also disgusting.
I say bring that baby to you, because she is still a baby at 9 when it comes to her parents behaving like this, and love her, love her, lover her and hold her and hold her!!!! Show her that you want her....If you really do want her. Someone needs to save her if her mother and her father won't. My heart hurts for her. When it comes to the welfare and the stability and love of a child, I will always side with that child.
Good Luck to you and your niece. I will say a prayer for you.
Added Saturday 7/28 in response to Worried Aunt's email to me. Thank you for contacting me, here is my reply.
Thank you for contacting me. I’ve thought about this little one all night. I understand that you are worried about your niece and your sister being separated, but at the same time, your niece isn’t getting the love and care that she absolutely deserves from her parents. Though their relationship is important, I believe the first priority is that your niece be in a safe and loving environment. If she is harming herself while living with her mother and her mother doesn’t see the outcry of her daughter, then she isn’t in a safe environment. At 9 years old, your niece doesn’t realize that suicide is a final solution to a temporary problem. Death is final! She should be thinking about her friends, clothes and school, not killing herself. That little girl doesn’t know that she is a blessing and that her name is written on God’s heart…in the book of life and that he loves her. She is in this world for a reason, she has a purpose!
Being that you are a Christian woman and raising your children as Christians, you know that God always makes a way. I believe teaching her about Jesus and his love could save her life in every way. You can teach her that though she may feel alone, she is never alone with God. You can teach her about forgiveness so that one day she can forgive the parents that didn’t love her the way they should have. Not that they don’t love her (which I’m sure they do), they just don’t know how to be a strong parents in her life.
Save this little girl from her desperation before she turns to drugs, alcohol and to sex. You surely don’t want her to turn to boys looking for the love she is missing. She deserves to know she is worthy of a life full of wonderful possibilities regardless of her current situation. Teach her to lean on God through good and bad times. Teach her to praise his name. Teach her to thank him for things that haven’t come to fruition yet. Teach her to pray and teach her to pray for her parents. Teach her that she is the child of God and that he is her original Father and that he knew her before she was ever born. He has her carved in the palm of his hand. If you know the Lord and speak with him often, it is my hope that you know when he speaks to you. Pray on this and listen for his answer. He is obviously talking to your heart and I pray that he is using me to speak to you.
Feel free to contact me anytime. I will pray you and for her and I will pray for her parents. Tell her what a miracle she is, because she is a living, breathing, beautiful miracle.
My love and prayers.
Her parents need to take more control. Can you talk to your sibling who is the parent, or is your relationship not quite that frank? If you can, explain to them what you are seeing, and suggest that perhaps this girl needs some more structure and healthier habits for the sake of her proper development.
If they can't, or won't, make the necessary changes, then perhaps you can help out. Can you keep her on weekends to allow mom and dad to deal with their issues? Then, while she's with you, make sure she eats right, sleeps at normal hours, and interacts with you and your family, take her out for a bike ride or a walk in a park or something to get her moving (and talking). Let her learn how to live from your example, since she's not getting the right information from her parents.
Since they are a religious family and money is a problem, maybe they could talk to their pastor or priest. Perhaps he would be able to visit with your niece and offer some guidance, as well.
Good luck to you and your family, and I am sorry for the unfortunate loss of your nephew.
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God bless that family. My son is autistic and I know how hard it must have hit them. Maybe they would be willing to try a sibling grief support group. I'm not big on medications either but sometimes we as parents have no other options.
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She needs her parents to take control and give her some structure, support her through her grief but disapline her when she needs it, they need to show her some tough love and be strong in the way they do it. The bible says that if you spare the rod, you spoil the child. Maybe they could try to take an hour each day to just focus on her, showing her that she is precious and very loved, This is her way of saying she needs them, and feels she isn't getting that. I was once that girl.
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She needs a talk. Tell her you are all sad about the death of the 4 year old but what would he want if he was still there? Make her go to bed early. The best answer may be medication, however, if she continues to hint at suicide. She may have depression.
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Originally Answered: Where can i find good educational sites that are fun for my 11 year old niece?
tell her if she wants to be on the computer, she has to finish her homework/research w/e first, and then limit the amnt of time she spends on myspace and make sure she gets enough rest. Dont be mean about it, just sit her down, talk with her about her grades and things first, and tell her the plan, dont raise your voice, put her down, or ne thing like that......I know that i dont respond to when adults talk to me like that....i want to do the opposite. Good Luck and i hope she gets back on the right track!