I NEED HELP WITH MY ESSAY? Topic: My introduction essay about myself
July 20, 2019 / By Cenric
Question: i have to do an essay in my english class & im ok with that the thing i can't seem to do is the introduction paragraph ... its about why or why not i think celebrities are good role models ... any ideas?
Best Answer


Allyster Allyster | 4 days ago
Celebrities - the rich and famous - you hear about them constantly in magazines, television, advertisements, and many other places. Millions of people look up to them and aspire to be them. [However,] Celebrities [do not] make good role models because [list three quick reasons here that go with your essay]. add 'however' and 'do not' if your essay is about how they are bad role models, leave them out if its about how they are good role models. also this was just a quick intro draft, so you could probably improve mine. Good Luck
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Allyster Originally Answered: Since English is my second language,can anyone edit this essay for me ASAP, this is a very important essay,?
Leadership Growing up amongst the people closest to me, know me as a shy girl, with lack of confidence. However, deep inside I want to make a difference in people lives. This is why I decided to run to be Junior class president. With this position, I am able to help my class earn money for our Senior trip. With this goal in mine, I was capable of getting my classmates to help out at the Nut Hut. I was able to accomplish a goal of getting everyone working together for one common goal we all had. In addition to, being class president I had to make all the right decisions for this year prom including choosing the theme, and the best place for the prom to take place at. However, all of this work made me feel happy because when I noticed the smiles on my classmates faces from all of the hard work I accomplished. In returned this made me feel good inside. I was also a HOBY member, where I was selected from my class to participate in this leadership program. This program teaches people how to be a good leader,and how to improve their community. With this knowledge, I had thought of some ideas from the program such as, sorting out glasses for recycle to help out my community. Community Service Helping out my community is the biggest part of my life. That is why I will do everything in my power to help out my community. At my church, there is a program where they giving food to the needy. Every Wednesday, after school, I help out by being in the kitchen giving food to people, and help with cleaning. I has been doing this project for the past two years, and still plan to volunteer as long as I’m still living in Oakland. Doing this program made me feel good inside because seeing a smile on those people faces and seeing them not going hungry is my greatest accomplishment in life. My dad passed away early (this year?) because in Vietnam there was no medicine to treat or cure malaria. That is why every weekend I volunteer at the Drug Store, as a pharmacy technician counting pills, sorting the medicines, and putting the medicines back to their places. This job not only involves helping people to get well, but it also makes me feel good seeing them get better. Obstacle The day I was born, was the day my dad passed away. He passed away because there wasn’t any good medicine to treated malaria.( YOU SAID THIS SENTENCE ALREADY YOU DONT HAVE TO NECESSARY WRITE IT AGAIN. INSTEAD WRITE: DUE TO THE FACT MY FATHER PASSED AWAY THE DAY I WAS BORN, I NEVER REALLY GOT A CHANCE TO GET TO KNOW HIM) After he passed away, my family was in poverty. My mom had no other choice but to let my brother lived with her mother-in-law, and I live with her mother. As a result, at a young age I was not able to be close with my brother. I was only able to see him during the summer time. However, seeing him had cost my mom and me a lot of pain. From the day my mom married my dad, her mother-in-law had hated her and doesn’t see her as a daughter-in-law. She often treated my mom like a slave, making her work night and day. Vietnamese tradition is boys are more superior than girls. This is the reason why my grandma doesn’t let me lived with her. However, she does let me visit her and my brother during the summer time. During this time, I had to worked just like my mom, from cleaning the whole house, to washing the dishes all by myself. All this work doesn’t please my grandma, she still hated me, and nobody was going to defended me because my dad had died, and my mom had no power over my grandma. My mom had once told Anh Marrs me, the day I was born, she had never hug me once. From that moment on, I realized no matter what I do, even doing what she asked me to do, she never going to love me like her other grandsons and granddaughters. However, I still had my other grandma who love me. In fact, she treated me as a human being. Despite my grandma love, my school work was beginning to slip, she and my mom couldn’t afforded me going to school. I knew my life from that moment on was going to worked at a rice farm, until my mom met Gary, my step-dad. He was willing to bring all of us to the United States. My life was changing before my eyes when I came to the US, at the age of ten. I has a better life, a better family, and a dad who care for me. Because of the way my grandma had treated me. I had learned to treated people as a human being with respect, and not judge people on the outside, and help them out when they are in trouble. My dad's death, has made me realized my future career goal is to be a pharmacist. Helping people with their diseases with the medicine available for them, because he died from lacking good medicine. Last, I realized education is the most important thing in my life right now, even though English is my second language, I am still receiving an “A” for my grade, and drive to go to a medical college. However, children in Vietnam doesn’t have the opportunity that I have right, which is why every year I had send money to Vietnam helping out with their school supplies, because it will help them to continue with their education. I FIRST WANT TO SAY READINGTHIS HAS REALLY TOUCHED ME......READ IT OVER CAREFULLY BECAUSE I HAVE MADE SEVERAL CHANGES. i AM CURRENTLY A NURSING STUDENT AND I JUST WANT TO SAY HELPING PEOPLE IS THE BEST THING ANYONE CAN DO....CONTINUE TO BE STRONG, HELPFUL, AND POSITIVE AND YOU WILL BE SUCCESSFUL...........I HOPE THIS HELPED AND GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!!!!!!
Allyster Originally Answered: Since English is my second language,can anyone edit this essay for me ASAP, this is a very important essay,?
You have too many commas in the wrong places. Here, you have the subject separated from verb by a comma: The day I was born, was the day my dad passed away. The paragraphs are too long. Some more mistakes: peoples lives, accomplish should be accomplishment, grandma loves me, children in Vietnam don't, not judge people, etc.
Allyster Originally Answered: Since English is my second language,can anyone edit this essay for me ASAP, this is a very important essay,?
Wow, you're essay is really interesting and motivating! The people who have edited your essay for you here are very kind to have done so, however there remain some errors in their work. It is up to you, but if this essay is very important to you (or if others are in the future) and if you would like to continue to improve your English, you might consider using a professional essay editing and tutoring service. I run a professional online editing service, www.EliteEditing.com.au. Please visit my website, and if I can be of help to you please let me know. (My email address is on the 'Contact Us' page on the website.) If you can't afford to pay for the service, I offer discounts or do free editing for students who agree to put up posters advertising my website at their school or university. Good luck!

Terry Terry
Your introductory paragraph should state your thesis. What Are your thoughts about celebrities as role models? If you think they are good role models, which ones? Why? If not, same questions. Can you have some who are and some who aren't? State what you believe, and then give a broad outline of what the rest of your essay is going to go into detail about. Hope this helps.
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Terry Originally Answered: Need help with my essay?
First brainstorm what you know about china, india how they shape the world and buddhism. Remember first paragraph is introducing then body paragraph must have an example another words transition words like furthermore, next, Also, first, second, in addition etc.
Terry Originally Answered: Need help with my essay?
Birth Name: Rillian; now R(modified identify) one million. Awful stories. I was once in general teased as little one for no longer having a truly identify. As a teen peers insisted on calling me Killian after the inexpensive beer Killians. In tuition I located that I wasn't getting scholarships or different possibilities even as folks with minimize grades and not more revel in within the identical area had been. I modified my identify legally and close to instantly folks who best knew me on paper began taking me severely. An instance: I in the beginning carried out to graduate colleges as Rillian. I had an undergrad four.zero however I did not get a unmarried present. The subsequent 12 months--having performed no additional coursework and with the identical private announcement--I reapplied with the modified identify and was once authorized with investment to all 8 universities to which I had carried out. I suppose it is a relatively transparent instance of a reputation preserving a character again. two. My identify comes from the identify of a prince within the Narnia sequence (my mom has an obsession). To make the identify "female" she further one other L. I do not suppose it labored. three. Personally I do not like Rillian, however I'm used to it. I nonetheless reply to it and my loved ones nonetheless calls me it. What I rather do not like is the way it labored on a legit degree. four. I'd alternatively no longer say what I modified my identify to on the web, sorry. five. Rillian and R(modified identify). Rillian with loved ones, repeatedly with my husband (we had been relationship whilst I modified it). We've moved considering the fact that I modified my identify, so all people in my new town best is aware of me through my new identify. 6. I did not difference my final identify whilst I obtained married, almost always for the reason that I had simply modified my first identify a 12 months earlier than and did not consider like doing the forms once more. I might get round to it sooner or later, I won't. 7. They're OK. My maiden identify and my husband's final identify sound terrible with each and every different, so it isn't an alternative I am for my part given that.

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