Originally Answered: I don't want to give up but how can I make him understand me and give me a chance? at least hear me out?
This is going to be hard for you to understand, but you can’t solve this as simply as you may hope. At 18, you are thinking – hey, all we have to do is talk about it, and he will understand. You are talking prejudice here, and this isn’t a matter of logic.
I’ve been a discrimination attorney for 22 years, and I am pretty well-acquainted with racism.
Your father has a deep rejection of the black race in general. It’s now part of his very being and your logic will not sway it. He would have make up his mind that – in spite of how he FEELS – he will not act on that feeling. That’s hard to do. I am not saying his attitude and behavior is excusable in any way whatsoever, because it is not. But he has a visceral, uncontrolled dislike (maybe even hate) for the race/color. It does not matter what you say or how great this guy is, your father has already made up his mind – he made up his mind a long, long time ago.
A short story – my parents were raised by bigots. Together they decided that they would NOT be racist and they would not raise their children as racists. And they didn’t. My siblings and I grew up pretty blind to the color of someone’s skin. Then I began dating a black man – I was over 30 and my mother was almost 60. All this time had passed since she and my father made their decision not to be racist. I had been a practicing discrimination attorney for years. But when I told my mother I was dating a black man, she said she got sick to her stomach. And she was shocked --- at herself. She was shocked to discover she had a negative physical reaction to the news.
So you see, even when someone like your father becomes self-aware and makes an affirmative decision NOT to be racist, the emotional content may still be there and still have to be fought with.
I tell you this because YOU are not in a position to change your father. You cannot force change upon him. You have to live your life as you see fit. If this boy is important enough to you and you are ready to be on your own, then you may be in a position to see him in spite of your father and the consequences that will surely come if you see this boy in defiance of your father. If you are not ready or able to be on your own, then you have to abide by your father’s edicts, as wrong as they are. And you have to do that until you are ready and able to be your own person.
Please do not be naïve to think that you can change your father. You can only affect yourself and be true to your own integrity. Just be sure that you know and can handle the consequences.