Topic: How to write a three page short story
June 20, 2019 / By Adrie Question:
Read this short chapter and tell me what you think, its my third week writing, Im still learning so please point out all the mistakes you see, its the only way I can get better at this, Thanks
View the blog THE HOUSE OF RED ROSES
The descriptions of the sun and the moon in the chapter will sound a bit awkward as Im not talking about our Earth sun
Thady | 4 days ago
A better indication than anything I could say about your short chapter regarding if you would make a good fantasy writer someday is how often you write.
A writer writes, always. Writing is a skill that has to be developed through practice (true, there are the rare cases of individuals ever writing before and coming up with a best seller, but those are as common as water on the moon). If you write every day, then chances are good that you will make a good fantasy writer someday (though, to be fair, I can't tell you when "someday" is).
On a side note, writing is the only way you can get better. Having other people point out "all the mistakes" they see will help, but only if you keep writing (and take those "mistakes" under consideration, though unless spelling or grammar they aren't "mistakes" but rather suggestions and possible flaws).
But as for your short chapter, chances are you aren't going to be pleased. If I worked at a publishing company at that came across my desk, then you better hope you included an SASE (Self-Addressed Stamped-Envelope) or it would be in the trash right now. Harsh, but true. Indeed, I was kind, I gave you two paragraphs to peak my interest (few publishing houses would give you one). You need a hook. Not just a hook to your story, mind you. You need a hook in the first paragraph to get someone to read your second (and, indeed, you need a hook in your second paragraph to get someone to read your third). Heck, really, you need a hook in your first sentence to get someone to read the second sentence (and a hook in the second to get someone to read your third).
Now you might say something to the effects of "but why didn't you read it all like I asked? It got more interesting!" If so, my response is that readers aren't so kind. If someone comes across your book in a book store, you don't get a chapter to convince them to buy your book, you aren't even assured a page. Publishing companies are even harsher (and the internet isn't very nice either).
But I would also recommend (if you are willing to listen to yet another comment) that you find someone in RL to review your work. It hurts a bit more to have your writing C&Ced by someone face to face, but it is often more valuable.
I don't read a lot of fantasy novels or stories. But I can make a few comments.
Over all the story is very good. There were a few places where you could improve the language with a change of words or phases.
...but she had to...... find something that feels better.
was to poison her... tried to poison her.....something else perhaps.
check spelling of tip toes.
This section repeats one word too often and this makes the reader tired. City. Try to find synonyms for this.
She laid. check grammar.
I did not read the entire chapter but what I did read was good.
That you introduced the senses...smell, touch, hearing, etc. is very good. You could add more ...and I forget the term, ....
example....the sheet was silky as baby skin....
Yes, the story is good. Continue writing. Years ago I was published in some confession magazines which were quite different from this style of writing--all conversation and no description of surroundings. I've also published a book on insects.
Best of luck!
You are doing a great job...if you stick how you're writing you will make a great Fantasy Author. I might even buy your book if you get it published. Great job...I'm very impressed.