What shoud I do about my mother in law?

What shoud I do about my mother in law? Topic: The sister in law trailers
July 20, 2019 / By Katelyn
Question: My mother in law previously lived with us, before we went into the military. She gotten divorced when her husband was sent to jail...he was a child molester, and very abusive sexually and physically to her. The problem was she wasn't just a victum. She would have went to jail too if she'd been at the trial...because she knew what he was doing, but was afraid of losing the bread winner. The biggest issue is that she is not completely mentally normal. I think she may have autism. She had sezuires as a child...but her family has disowned her for marrying her sick husband. Her mother gave her a settlement from her dads death upon the divorce...about 90,000 dollars. Anyway...her oldest daughter also had the seizures, and is kinda different too, just doesn't act right...too happy or something (manic depression) you see she was molested by her father, and her mother knew...and gave him permission, as long as he left the littler kids alone...so they developed this sick relationship...of guilt/power. So when my MIL got the money, the fam asked her not to let the eldest daughter take over...well, she did, and the money got blown tru in 8 months..so it ended up they all needed to come live with us...we already had the other two younger sisters in school and with us...(mind we were just married...and like 22 and 23) so they moved. the older sister eventually went to jail for check fraud and moved back to her hometown, MIL stayed. When we joind the AF, she got an apartment, low income...trying to help her get independent...but, she moved out and back with her daughter once we left the state. Now, she is alone, in a tiny trailer, no car, and her health is bad...very bad...shes on oxygen and smokes a pack a day and drinks pop all day long. Her daughter constantly uses her for money and brings animals in for her to take care of. SHe brough 5 cats in who sprayed all her moms furniture...this is a woman with emphazema! And just act like its no big deal. Sometimes this daughter will take money from the "joint" account her mom gets paid in and only tell her later...My MIL will get upset but there is nothing she can do, and she lets her daughter get away with it out of guilt. She cannot afford the place she is living, and lives in the middle of nowhere at the goading of this daughter...(she wanted the place so she convinced her mom) But when we call and speak to her about it, we just don't know what to do...we have talked about her moving with us...(we live near her mother) but her family seems to want nothing to do with that...they are embarressed of her...and we can't commit to it because we are military....so we just don't know what to do??? With my MIL's health, we cannot be moving her around all the time...we are staioned one place for a year or so, then there are tdy's and deplyments...its just not feasablt...I am going gaurd, and he is airforce...plus u cannot have ppl living with you unless the military approves. And my husband and I have worked on this together from day one..he get exaspearted and burdened with his mother...she never tells him she loves him...never has...she would egg his dad on when he was getting beat to keep him from beating her. He'd forgiven her, but loses patience with her easily and hates living with her. His ideal situation would be his mom in a mental health program and assisted living where she would have freedom and a little independence...and my hubs and I are a team! LOL we work together. His probs are mine, and mine his. I love his mother like my own...and he mine. She is good intentioned, just doesn't have common sense or the ability to see the action/consequence if things...like she w
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Best Answers: What shoud I do about my mother in law?

Heidi Heidi | 1 day ago
This is really more of your husband's problem, since this is his mother. Why does the military have to have anything to do with it? Your husband needs to convince her to take care of her health (physically and mentally.) Talk to him and offer suggestions on what to do.
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Heidi Originally Answered: What shoud I do about my mother in law?
This is really more of your husband's problem, since this is his mother. Why does the military have to have anything to do with it? Your husband needs to convince her to take care of her health (physically and mentally.) Talk to him and offer suggestions on what to do.

Dotty Dotty
I think what you would be best doing is to look after yourselves, and your new lives together. You have to first realize that some people are impossible to help because they don't follow reason, and I think your MIL is one of those people. You had her set up in some form of assisted housing, and she chose to move out of there so she could live in squalor surrounded by cats. You say she has emphysema, and smokes like a chimney too. Those two points, and all of the rest simply adds up to the fact that she can't be helped. The other thing you need to realize is that just because she is a member of your family, you don't have to bend over backwards to make her life better, especially when she seems fine with the way things are. I am one of those who was raised to believe that when a loved one is in trouble, then it's right and proper to lend a hand wherever you can. That rule applies when the help is wanted and appreciated, and of course put to good use. Then there are those who squander that help, and turn all of the good that was intended by it, into a pile of useless garbage. Your MIL has made several choices throughout her life that have put her where she is today. So where is it written that it has to be up to you to dig her out of her problems? You made a commitment to the military, and to each other, so follow through with those and let her worry about her own situation. I get the feeling that you have enough on your plate without trying to solve someone elses problems anyway.
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Catriona Catriona
Contact the Department of Human Services in you state. Google it or google Adult Protective Services. These are a good place to start, though they may be bogged down with the economy as it is. What an awful situation for you and the others involved. How does your husband feel about his family's dysfunction? Check with the military force you're in to see if there is a social worker or such that could suggest something, maybe even some kind of counseling for you and your husband to discuss this situation with and how it is affecting you/your relationship. Best of luck to all involved.
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Annelisa Annelisa
There are forms of juvenile epilepsy that a child can grow out of but if the seizures are left untreated they can have a lasting negative impact on the mental health of a person. The form I am thinking of is also genetically linked. If your MIL wasn’t treated for her seizures properly as a child it could affect her mental health today. I would see about elder care for this woman. Which may mean having her deemed mentally unfit to care for her own finances. She needs to be evaluated by a doctor and the daughter who is causing all the problems needs to have all access to your MIL’s assets stopped. A controlled assisted living facility may be a good fit for your MIL. But bear in mind they can be expensive so you and your husband may be finding yourselves helping to pay for her to stay there. You need to contact an elder law attorney in the state your MIL is in and discuss with him the situation and your concerns. They can guide you in protecting your mil’s assests as well as declaring her mentally unfit if need be. But an attorney is your best bet to start.
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Wyatt Wyatt
Contact Human Resources in the town where your mother-in-law lives and ask for the number of the agency that oversees elder welfare. Report the daughter for elder abuse and let the agency take over. Someone needs to take care of mom and an social worker can be assigned to check in on her. You can also contact the local police and report the daughter and see if there is anything they can do. Talk to mom and get her involved with some organization. Do some volunteer work. That will get her out of the house and active again.
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Wyatt Originally Answered: What shoud I write about?
For 'There was a hand in the darkness, and it held a knife' I thought immediately of like a group of teens out in the forest, having a laugh on Halloween telling scary stories etc. and they decide to play hide and seek, one of them comes across some creepy house and they go in to hide and they hide in the kitchen and then a dude with a knife comes after her and then you can continue with whatever... :) For 'His betrayal would never be forgiven, or forgotten' I'm thinking that someone's dad, brother, close friend, or boyfriend did something really bad to this girl. She is really angry and can't get out of the anger, she becomes bad and gets her own back etc. For 'I closed my eyes' it could start with someone going to sleep but waking up in some crazy world where everything is topsy turvy and not right. Hope this helps :)

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