Family war has ensued over Pictures of my Surprise 30th Birthday! Please Help?
Topic: Pictures of writing letters
May 22, 2019 / By Adenah Question:
My fiancee decided to throw me a small surprise 30th Birthday party last Sunday. Most of my family was there as well as a few friends. My mother and younger sisters moved to the West Coast a few years ago.
My fiancee decided to not invite my mother because currently my mom is going through a large layoff at her company and she felt that this trip would be expensive and it was a small party at my future in-laws home.
My mom and sisters, whom I love very much have very jealous personalities, however,and flipped out when they saw all of the pictures that my fiancee posted of the party on Facebook.
My fiancee posts EVERYTHING on Facebook and I have learned that this site has caused me more harm than good.
My mother and sisters wrote very biting remarks on Facebook pointed towards my fiancee, which upset my fiancee and her family tremendously. Now a war has ensued, and I am caught in the middle.
How do I handle this? I am being crucified for a party I didn't even know was happening
Best Answers: Family war has ensued over Pictures of my Surprise 30th Birthday! Please Help?
Teman | 8 days ago
Face Book AGAIN!!! How I utterly loathe that site for ALL the problems it causes people & their relationships/marriages/cheating, you name it. I deleted myself off of it! Honey, sorry for the spot you're in. I would ask your fiance to write your mom & sister a letter. Have him tell the honest truth. He did it for THEM!!!! Didn't want them to feel bad for reasons. He could tell them he didn't want them to feel bad if they couldn't afford it & tried to spare them that. I believe in honesty being the best policy. He could also add a note on F.B. about being sorry your mom & sister were unable to attend due to the distance they live, but were still tho't of & missed regardless. THAT just may be of help too. Maybe between both ways will take this friction away - hopefully. After all, bottom line, he did do it for their sakes! Good luck, honey!^
👍 204 | 👎 8
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Originally Answered: Surprise Birthday Party Ideas?
For my mom's 40th birthday, we had my brother go play volleyball with his friends and then call my mom saying that he was really sick and needed to be picked up. He was about 20 minutes away and would make her periodically stop the car so he could "thow up". We had all the decorations and things ready and hidden beforehand, all we had to do was throw it all together before she got home.
For my stepdad's 60th, we convinced him to go golfing for the morning and early afternoon. We managed to get a ton of food cooked, the entire house decorated, and his 10 brothers and sisters and their family inside before he got home, he was completely surprised.
All it takes is some creativity!
First problem, your fiancee took it upon herself to decide that this trip would be too much of a financial burden on your mother. That was not her place to do so. She should have extended the invitation and let your mother decide what she could or could not afford. That was excluding her and, if I were your mother, would be equally as peeved.
Facebook is the root of all evil. Do not entertain the snide comments they post, and tell your fiancee to ignore it as well. It may be best to unfriend them if she cannot ignore it. No confrontation can ever be productive on Facebook. These things need to be handled in person if possible, or over the phone. Your mother & sisters were immature in posting rude comments towards your fiancee and her family, which you need to check. If you do not think it's acceptable for them to speak to your fiancee and her family like that, you need to address it. It is not your fiancee's responsibility to handle your family. It's yours.
Tell your mother why the invitation to her wasn't extended, and that fiancee did not want your mother to feel obligated to come during a hard layoff period, and that it is not personal. Assure her of this and do your best to soothe the situation. Then let it pass.
👍 80 | 👎 2
Tell your family to grow up. You've made a commitment to your fiance, she's your family now too. If you want your relationship with her to grow and maintain in health, you'll have to take her side on this and other things. She did a nice thing for you, throwing a party, and a nice thing for your family by inviting them. How do they repay her?
Whatever is wrong with the pictures, your mother and sister need to get over it. Your fiance had a fun time and wanted to show the world, that is nothing new or different from millions of other people on the planet. I'm sorry to tell you, but you'll have to choose sides.
👍 73 | 👎 -4
Some answers to questions if left on time,will be solved all by itself. As long as your fiancee is made to understand the facts and the truth,she will not take it seriously.So Good luck.
👍 66 | 👎 -10
Your family needs to get over it. Grow so balls and tell them so. A good family would have been happy for you and commented nicely on the pics. Yeah facebook is nothing but drama. Thats why mine is deactivated.
👍 59 | 👎 -16
Originally Answered: Who is supposed to organise my husbands 30th, me or his mom?
It sounds like she is a good mom and although she may be doing a little too much of not letting him grow up I think she is just trying to look out for her son. Try talking to her and tell her that while you appreciate everything she does the phone, car etc, you would prefer if you and him were able to do it on your own. Be polite about it. Or save some money and pay her for the car. That way it was more like a loan than her giving you something. As far as his Birthday let her help plan it although, you keep the lead in that. Give her things she can do to help, listen to her ideas etc although if you disagree then tell her that and tell her why.