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Is this a good introduction for my high school admissions essay?

Is this a good introduction for my high school admissions essay? Topic: Essay about college admission
June 24, 2019 / By Affricah
Question: A typed, personal essay about how you have developed an interest in aviation and aerospace, and what you envision for your future college and career pathway. Your essay must be responsive to this prompt in order to be considered. The essay is for admission into an aviation and aerospace-themed high school. My interest in aviation and aerospace began materializing when I was a young boy. Throughout my life, I have been fostered in a way that encouraged and strengthened my inquisitive, observant, and inventive nature. These three qualities have been very important in the development of my interest in aviation and aerospace. Furthermore, by the people around me, I have been exposed to the wondrously intriguing realm of aviation and aerospace. As a result of my enlightened upbringing, I have a very firm notion for my future college and career pathway. Respectively, I have been emboldened to be inquisitive, observant, and inventive, I have been exposed to aviation and aerospace through the people around me, and my upbringing has given me the insight to understand who I want to be and where I want to go in life. Can I get a rating /10 and possibly tips if needed? Thank you! Also, each point in my thesis statement will be thoroughly explained using a body paragraph for each point. Thank you - again!
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Best Answers: Is this a good introduction for my high school admissions essay?

Thom Thom | 10 days ago
It's not perfect, but it's still very good. I give it a 9 rating. Here is the edited version of your essay. All I did was eliminate a few words here and there because they really are not necessary. I didn't change the basic meaning of your essay, and I paraphrased only a couple of short sections - My interest in aviation and aerospace began when I was a young boy. Because of the people I have known and because of how I was raised, I have had ample exposure to the wonderful and intriguing field of aviation and aerospace. Throughout my life, I have been raised in a way that encouraged and strengthened my inquisitive, observant, and inventive nature. These three qualities have been very important in the development of my interest in aviation and aerospace. Because of this, and because I was raised in such a supportive, nurturing environment, I now have very firm, clear plans of action for my future college and career pathways. My qualities and personality, highly influential upbringing, and substantial exposure to aviation and aerospace have all given me the insight to understand who I want to be and where I want to go in life.
👍 248 | 👎 10
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Thom Originally Answered: UC admissions straight from high school?
DONT TAKE YOUR SAT AGAIN (if you just wanna go to UCSD). you really don't need it with your high GPA. you'll definitely get in so don't waste your money on another useless SAT test. i got in with 1790. (for UCSD) as for UCLA, YES i think you could get in if you get your SATs to 2100. for UCB, 2200 SATs and keep up your GPA. UCD? SHOE IN. good luck
Thom Originally Answered: UC admissions straight from high school?
The most important factor in your chances is if you are graduating from a high school in San Diego. UC and CSU give priority to local students. If you are in the top 10% of your graduating class, you fulfill all the subject requirements, and you are a local student, then you have a pretty good chance. Even if you are rejected for freshman admissions, you'll be guaranteed admission as an upper-division transfer student if you go to a California Community College and fulfill the Transfer Admission Guarantee (TAG) program for UCSD. Same goes for UCLA or Berkeley, except they have the Transfer Alliance Program (TAP) instead of TAG, which doesn't have a guarantee but greatly increases your chances over all other kinds of transfer students.
Thom Originally Answered: UC admissions straight from high school?
the familiar element on your opportunities is that once you're graduating from a main college in San Diego. UC and CSU supply priority to interior sight scholars. once you're interior the main useful 10% of your graduating splendor, you fulfill all the sector specs, and you're a close-by student, then you definately've an beautiful properly threat. even once you're rejected for freshman admissions, you may properly be certain admission as an greater-branch change student once you visit a California community college and fulfill the flow Admission assure (TAG) utility for u.s.. comparable is going for UCLA or Berkeley, besides they have the flow Alliance application (faucet) rather of TAG, which does no longer have a coverage even with the incontrovertible fact that frequently will strengthen your opportunities over all distinctive varieties of change scholars.

Quin Quin
yes it is they look at punctuation and sentence structure more than content anyway but I like it I give you A++
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Quin Originally Answered: What can I do in High School to improve my chances admissions into top universities?
What can you do to improve your chances? Do something impressive and something that demonstrates passion. Are you passionate about math? Then take all the math classes your high school offers and try to get into college classes while still in high school. Are you passionate about engineering? Then try to intern over the summer in an engineering firm. Schools are looking for people who go above and beyond the average person. So try to do that. Do academic related summer activities. Try to organize some club that actually does something. Starting a 'school spirit club' or something were you hang out with friends is not going to help. But starting a club that sells cookies to donate $5K for buying poor kids calculators will help. So figure out what you are good at and what you are passionate about. And then dive into that with a vengeance. By the way, research is one of the best things you can do. Look into working for a professor at your local college doing research. Also, look into the MIT and Caltech summer research programs. They are tough to get accepted into but they shine on your application. Here is an example website, though look for others too http://www.mitadmissions.org/topics/befo... Finally, spend a bunch of time making an excellent essay. Try to get as many people as you can take a look at it to give you comments (not just your parents, who may not give you unbiased advice). And get to know your teachers. You will need some excellent letters of recommendation to get into these schools. So make sure your teachers know you, like you, and think you are the best kid they have ever met.
Quin Originally Answered: What can I do in High School to improve my chances admissions into top universities?
No its not good to be Asian and want to go to schools like MIT. Proportionally more Asians apply to those types of schools than others and in the interests of having a diverse student body your chances are a bit less. Its not a great thing to say but seems to be the way it is. You seem to be doing the right things. All I can add is make sure you do calculus - Cal-tech definitely requires it. The other thing is to apply to a number of top schools - not just the ones you mention. Other great schools are Harvey Mudd and Rice: http://www.hmc.edu/ http://www.rice.edu/ I actually prefer Harvey Mudd to the schools you mention due to the very large number of people it sends to graduate school - something like 2/3's go - that where the action really is - not undergrad. The other thing you may try is going early decision. Only a small percent of a schools final intake get in that way. They may not worry too much about diversity at that stage. It worth a shot IMHO. Also check out: http://www.enotalone.com/article/18690.h... Thanks Bill

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