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Can someone help me with a poem?

Can someone help me with a poem? Topic: Abstract writing help
April 22, 2019 / By Bluebell
Question: Okay so I'm not a writer lol but I really like this girl (who likes poetry) so I want to try and write a poem for her for when I ask her out. If its bad just say so and I won't embarass myself haha well here's what I have after about a week of working on it. Eyes sparkling with life A smile of serenity Essence so pure A perfect personality Her delicate touch Leaves me awe-struck Small winged beauties Circling my stomach She radiates joy And lives merrily A priviledge I know When she is with me When our eyes meet All worries diasppear Weights melt away Nothing more to fear So kind and tranquil Together we're free With her is perfect No better place to be Thats it, it's short because writing poetry is really hard lol so uhh don't be afraid to criticize! I don't want any suggestions or help though because if I am going to give this to her I want it to be completely my own. I just wanna know if I should give it to her or not haha thanks!
Best Answer

Best Answers: Can someone help me with a poem?

Aislinn Aislinn | 9 days ago
The quickest way to improve poetry is to use concrete sensory details. Instead of using general, abstract phrases like "radiating joy" and "living merrily" or even "leaving me in awe" and "all worries disappear," you can describe things in vivid visual detail with sounds and textures mixed in. Also, while something like "small winged beauties" sounds poetical, the idea isn't to make more words in poetry, it's to condense the best words in the best order and to convey the most details in a small space. You could use the same number of words to describe what the butterflies look like. The could be spinning yellow butterflies or weightless, silky wings. If you don't want to be super direct, i like to even mix senses, such as saying something "tastes like the color blue" or "sounds like sunlight." Be specific! Delicate touch is great, but what do her hands look like and feel like? I think you have a nice foundation here. Don't feel bad if you have to change a lot. Good writers don't write, they rewrite. Good luck!
👍 146 | 👎 9
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Aislinn Originally Answered: I need help with my homework poem. What is your interpretation of this poem? please write a paragraph?
I know this one.. this is one of Shakespeare's sonnets. Okay, well basically he's saying that his love has none of the beauty and splendour that you would usually associate with a person you would fantasise about. He is being realistic about the woman he loves, asserting that she is flawed and human, but that she is still the one he loves. It speaks more to real, honest, realistic love and juxtaposes it with the more common, flighty notions of 'love' which are usually only lust or infatuation.

Traherne Traherne
If it's not for school and a grade, why are sweating it? . If it's really a girl this is about, I don't think she's a grammar critic, but I wouldn't give a poem to a girl anyway, better just tell her how you feel; be a man and get over your shyness. Eyes sparkling and lively A smile given serenely She has an essence pure and innocent An angel that was God sent Her delicate touch Leaves me awe-struck Small winged beauties (?) Circling my stomach ( I wouldn't bring up your gastrointestinal tract) Her pristine and delicate touch Makes me awe-struck Small winged beauties Encircle my heart in havoc. She radiates joy And lives merrily A priviledge I know When she is with me When our eyes meet I feel I disappear And float in the air With nothing to fear Love in her is paradise and perfect Her free spirit makes the world free With her everything's without conflict There's just no other place on Earth to be
👍 50 | 👎 3

Redmund Redmund
It is wonderfully romantic. Not just the poem itself but the fact that you obviously invested a lot of time in it. I say yes give it to her. I hope she appreciates it the way you deserve.
👍 42 | 👎 -3

Redmund Originally Answered: Help! Maximum answers please. How do you find this poem? Will she love this poem?
Awww..........you made smile, still. I love it.......its so sweet and happy......adorable. As you spin me around, I'm gonna spin you too; ( I'll spin you too;) Twirling away the pain; As your heart goes woo! (Our hearts go through) How about a star instead............

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