Topic: My passion is writing a check
June 25, 2019 / By Breana Question:
Hey. Okay i'm fourteen and I really want to be an author one day. I've been writing since I COULD write and I really feel it's a passion. I just started writing a story, could you read the beginning and tell me if its good and what i could do to help..also, would you want to continue reading it? Its gonna be like Suspense/Fantasy but for Teenagers.(:
I stared out the car window peacefully. The wind was blowing softly against my hair and the air smelled like rain; clouds were in the sky, but not many. It felt wonderful. There was nothing that could ruin this perfect moment.
Until I realized where I was. I sighed and leaned my head against the seat and closed my eyes. I still couldn't believe my mother was making me do this. Was she trying to make me feel like a total loser and freak? Who sends their sixteen year old daughter to a summer camp with counslers and for weird kids?
I remember the day she came into my room and told me what she had been planning. She made it seem so simple. Her exact words were: "Trinity, I'm worried. Ever since your Grandmother dies you haven't been the same. Your not going out, your not talking, I don't even know you anymore. I know you love music and crafts so i'm sending you to Summer Camp Of Arts and Crafts, but you'll be assigned a counsler and meet up everyday with her," she had said very carefully. It's like she was waiting for me to burst out crying, but I never did.
Now, after only two weeks to get all this through my head, we were almost there. I was still barely speaking to her.
I opened my eyes and saw that we were pulling into the driveway of a big building, it looked like a college, but more colorful. The grass was trimed short and the building was dark brown with cars filled up in the parking lot and a open clearing on the right side of the school, i'm guessing for sports? I looked around, taking in the place. It really looked beautiful and I could tell the inside would be even better. My mom pulled into a empty parking spot right in front of the school. Other teens and their parents were getting out of the cars, saying their goodbyes and then the teens were entering the camp.
"Well," I looked at my mom. She frowned and wrinkled her forhead. Her long dark brown hair was perfectly straightned and her deep hazel eyes had tears forming in them that made me want to start crying into her arms...
Come on Trinity, be strong I kept telling myself.
"Sweetie, I want you to know i'm doing this for you. I want you to be happier and be around kids your age you can maybe relate to," she patted my hair. I nodded.
" I love you, Mom," I told her. I meant it too. More then anything. I looked back up towards the blue doors that were leading to the inside of the camp. Teenagers like me were walking straight in. I had a feeling it was time for me to also.
"I love you too. Call everyday and i'll write too. Remember, its only two months," she reminded me. Yeah, two months. My whole summer pretty much.
" I know, I'll miss you. Bye mom,love you," I said as I climbed out of the car with my giant three bags. I had two big dark purple bags on my shoulders and was carrying my black one. I made my way up the five little steps and then when I got right in front of the door, I turned around and looked at my mom. She was smiling, but I knew as soon as she drove off she would begin to cry. Alot.
I smiled slightly and waved. She waved back. I quickly turned around and took a deep breath. The wind began to blow and I could smell something like flowers and I was pretty sure it was a girls perfume, because people were walking by me with their bags into the camp, but I stood frozen until I had the guts to finally open the door to the camp and walk inside.
I'm going to get to the parts where her dad is and what happened with the grandma and all that later.. :D Thanks for all your positive stuff so far! Is my story going to fast though? Because this is the very beginning. I just wanna make sure it sounds good!
Alene | 3 days ago
as a teenage Writer i would like to applaud you. it is good but the only thing i would add is some comparisons example. "her tears rolled down her check like gentle waterfall" or something like that you know what i mean. but it is very good. i am also a wanna be future author and am very close to being published. i am tell you so that you know it can be done and never let hope die. XD
i really like it, it sounds pretty good. You mention at the beginning that you want it to be fantasy, right? You should probably work on the fantasy part figure out how it becomes fantasy. Also i think you should start the story earlier and expand on why shes upset her grandmothers died instead of making one paragraph maybe try for a page or even a chapter.
hope this helps im 12 and i want to write a book too, i have ever since i read harry potter!
some classic novels I examine at approximately that age: 1984 - Orwell Huck Finn - Twain super Gatsby - Fitzgerald The Trial & Metamorphosis - Kafka Slaughterhouse 5 - Vonnegut mild In August - Faulkner seem Homeward, Angel - Wolfe Dostoevsky is amazingly no longer undemanding - Cervantes much less so, yet extremely long and not undemanding in some stretches. Faulkner is confusing, yet mild in August is less difficult than maximum of his - to this present day i've got not ever been waiting to envision The Sound and the Fury. i did no longer examine Jane Austen till i became older, yet i think of expertise and Sensibility or satisfaction and Prejudice could be good selections. maximum super novelists are additionally super short tale writers, and that should actually be conscious to maximum I listed above. you need to purpose analyzing short memories from a number of those and different celebrated writers. those you stumble on rather charm to you, you could bypass on and consider finished novels.
wow. thats really good. a lot like my writing and i'm 17. you're really good i see alot of potential in the story too.its descriptive and you have a good way of describing emotions. maybe go into a little more detail about how she wanted to cry. and instead of my mom..just say mom like its the name the main character has for her. it makes the reader feel more involved like they're living through the character.
Sounds great! I would read it... :) It's very descriptive.
Answer mine? :) I know it has flaws which I intend on fixing but... http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...
Originally Answered: Could you please read the beginning of a story i'm writing?I really want some feedback. (aspiring author here)?
Pretty good start actually, but I want you to focus on some things....space, facts and wording. As an author it can sometimes be frustrating to get out what's inside the mind and make other see it as well. I know when I started I had no idea what the heck I was doing and I just wanted some one who actually knew a thing or two to help me out without insulting me or making me feel terrible. But since I don't have many writers about me, I went to fanfiction.net and started writing fanficiton. Believe it or not, it helped me form my own good style of writing and let me see other people's opinions and get constructive criticism. For new writers, I advise that.
For now though, lets look at your space. On a computer people tend to avoid big paragraphs and long documents, that is, unless they spacious. An orderly story attracts a reader to continue reading, and it looks much nicer.
Facts....while your story is good, remember that it can always, always be better and I would start with the style of writing you are using. Most new writers tend to make this mistake and it can be a frustrating fix. Basically, you aren't telling us a story, you are stating facts. It's kind of like saying 'this happened...and then this happened...then I did this....' this doesn't grab a reader. You need to make it feel as though the reader is THERE and you do this through describing. The more color and flavor you add, the more you're grab the reader. Of course, you don't want to overdo it, so always be careful of that.
What you are doing-> "Johnny promised to take me ice-skating for a date, but I forgot my skates so we had to go back and get them. I was very upset."
What you could be doing-> "Johnny had promised to take me ice-skating and I had to admit I was bouncing in sheer excitement. When he pulled up in his old-smelling car I nearly caught my petite foot in the door as a slammed it shut in my over-eagerness to get going. He started down the road with me babbling like a monkey being teased with a banana just out of reach. Johnny was patient with my giddy state, humoring me with small words and kind phrases as I pummeled the poor boy with my blabbing jaw. So high were my spirits that I failed to see that I had left a vital piece of equipment for my date, leaving me nearly in tears at the discovery. But Johnny, kind Johnny soothed me tenderly and gently returned me home to fetch them with all the sweetness of a summer day."
Don't just state what happens...MAKE it happen! :D
You're doing great, but be clear and creative. You have potential and don't hold yourself back from trying to achieve greatness!