Originally Answered: Is my boyfriend bi polar?
I know that "Dump him" doesn't seem to work, as much as it might seem like that would be the perfect solution.
I am currently going through a divorce. I have been with my husband since 1999. We married in 2002, but he spent many of the years in prison. I was so scared for him to get out because I was afraid of how he would act. His attitude would (and does) change from one minute to the next. First he's saying he loves me, and two minutes later I have become this lying cheater he can never trust. I honestly don't even know where his thoughts come from.
Over the last five years, he has called me so many names and put me down that there are days I don't want to go out of the house. He knows certain things about me that bother me the most,so he always mentions those. I get guys trying to pick up on me all the time. Of course, I don't tell him because he would say I'm just lying and that girls try to pick up on him everyday and blah blah blah. I think to myself, "I can't be that bad when so many guys approach me and say such nice things," but hearing it from him just kills my self-esteem.
We went for marriage counseling, and although he only went for a couple of sessions, the therapist seemed to believe he was suffering from a personality disorder or could possibly be bipolar, but said that his episodes of anger didn't seem to last very long, and she didn't think he went from a super happy guy for a while into a mean, bad tempered person for days or weeks.
Seriously, he can be calling me every name in the book, and while I'm crying on the couch, he'll come out and sit with me and ask if I want to go to dinner.
My ex husband was very similar (but more because of alcohol), as was my dad. I know it is so hard to deal with. All my friends would say he doesn't deserve me, but that was never the answer for me. We are finally going through a divorce. He began drinking heavily for a while, started getting paranoid and had our freak neighbor spying on me and keeping a notebook of the time I left for work and when I came home. He accused me of everything, even though I was doing nothing bad at all. He told me to file for divorce in August, and I finally did when he threw two gallons of white paint on my new blue Mustang and smashed the hood with the cans.
I think people can only change when they can admit they have a problem and they themselves want to change it. I continued therapy because I didn't want to keep dealing with things the same way. He never wanted therapy, and only went because I wanted to,so he did not benefit. He admitted that everything I said was true but that he saw nothing wrong with it because that's just "how he is."
Even though we have been legally separated for 7 months and he is aware that I am kind of seeing someone, he still treats me the same way, threatens me, and acts like a psycho.
Everyone thinks he's the nicest guy cuz he's so fake. So maybe the husbands of my friends that I think treat them so well aren't as good as they seem either. Who knows?
I just wish you the best of luck because I know what you are going through and none of it is your fault.
The best thing I learned from my therapist when I told her I was just sick of the constant arguing was that "it takes two people to argue." As hard as it was, I learned to block out the stuff he would say and not respond at all. I even bought earplugs and could hear him ranting, but I didn't know what he was saying so it didn't matter.
I just hope things turn out well for you. Maybe he just has a chemical imbalance that can be easily treated by a prescription. Have him go to his regular doctor to get him referred to a pyschiatrist, if he's willing. I worked for this lunatic woman who was like Jeckyl and Hyde, but when she got her lithium, she was the nicest lady in the world.
I hope you can find something that will work for the two of you. Good luck.