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I need feedback on my writing piece?

I need feedback on my writing piece? Topic: How to write a check only dollars
June 20, 2019 / By Spirit
Question: this is my peice... It's supposed to describe everything about my dad. ( Character Sketch) If you could just read it and tell me how to improve my writing that would be great! By the way, I'm in 7th grade. As I step into my dad’s dark green Suzuki, my dad tells me we’re going to Barnes and Noble on the way home. My heart starts to jump. There, I can relax over a nice cold Frappicino and read a nice book. My dad drinks a hot decaf coffee; hold the sugar. We slowly pull into the parking lot in front of the store and my dad tells me to be careful, the road outside is slippery. I carefully walk across the street where cars are speeding along. We enter the big glass doors and a rush of warm air greets us. Without a sound, we head over to the café section of the bookstore. We get in line to order our pieces of heaven and we slowly become warmer as the icy air of outside melts away. I measure myself against his chest, still shorter than him. He reaches over and starts to give me a hug. His warmth melts my heart and I reach into my pocket and feel around for a five dollar bill to pay with. My dad stops my hand and looks thoughtfully into my eyes. “My treat” he whispers as he reaches into his wallet. He lets me order my drink and I scamper off to find a book. Five or ten minutes later I grab my one book and return to find my dad buried behind a monumental stack of books. All of them about colleges. You can barely see his hairless head peeking over them. “Again?” I ask. This is the third time this month that we have came here and the third time he has been researching colleges for my brother “This is important to me” he replies, not taking his nose out of his book. I sigh and sit down to drink and read my book. On my seat is a wrapped brownie. I laugh to myself and sit down, holding the brownie. I unwrap it and bite into it. An hour later, my dad looks over and asks me what I’m reading. I show him the cover of the book and he takes it into his hands and reads the back. He slowly gets up gives me the book and walks away. He’s probably looking for some weird college book. He comes back with the same book I was reading, the sequel and the prequel. He starts to read the prequel and hands me the sequel. “To keep us busy all night, I’m in no hurry to go anywhere” He remarks. He sitsdown on his chair and reads on. All of a sudden the air gets chilly and I start to shiver. Having a cold drink in my hand doesn’t help. “Hey dad, when are we leaving? I’m getting kind of cold” I state, shivering now. He looks at me and I can clearly see the booklover inside him. He obviously does not want to leave his sanctuary of literature only to go home and face real world problems. He would much rather stay here and read… even if he is just reading some children’s book. “Why don’t you take my jacket” he responds in a desperate attempt to keep me satisfied enough so we can stay for even a few more moments. “Fine, give me my jacket” I pull my heavy winter coat over the table between us and drape it over myself sloppily. I take a sip of my drink and nothing comes up through my straw. I set the drink down and look over at my father hunched over his book, unaware of anything around him. He’s put on his large khaki winter jacket over one of his many tacky sweaters. His woolen socks are peering out of his workers boots. I sigh, that’s my dad I tell myself. His bulky, bookworm-y, studious self will always be there for me. He looks up at me and our eyes meet. “You okay now?” he asks “Better than ever”
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Best Answers: I need feedback on my writing piece?

Primula Primula | 10 days ago
I think you've done a great job, for being in 7th grade. You should probably run a spell-check for words like "frappucino," which also isn't capitalized. Make sure you don't use commas to split sentences. That creates a run-on. I only have a few nitpicky things about the story itself: 1) It makes it sound like you sat on the brownie before you realized it was there. Don't say you sat down and then there was a brownie in your chair - you could say you saw it, picked it up, and then sat down. 2) When you talk about getting cold, it makes your dad sound kind of...well, desperate. If you take out that word, I think you'll be fine. 3) Replace bookworm-y with a word like "literary." Bookworm-y isn't a word, although that would be nice. You've done a great job. Your dad should be honored.
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Primula Originally Answered: How important are spelling and punctuation in a piece of writing?
They are exceedingly important for several reasons. 1. The reasons you said. Without proper spelling and grammar, the reader is confused and may misinterpret the work or read it incorrectly. Check out the book Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation for great examples of why punctuation is important. (For those that don't know, the title is in reference to an old punctuation joke about a Panda that goes: A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons. As the panda makes his way toward the exit he is stopped by a waiter and asked why he did this horrible thing. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder. 'Because I'm a panda', he says, at the door. 'Look it up.' The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation. 'Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.' And of course there is also the classic Dear John letter that has two VERY different meanings based on where you put the punctuation: http://grammar.about.com/od/punctuationa... ) 2. It makes the author seem lazy. And if they are too lazy to hit a pre-existing spell check button, how strong and not lazy can anything else about their writing be? (As you said, spelling is probably the easiest thing to fix in a story. And if they can't fix that, I don't trust them to fix a broken or boring plot arc.) 3. It is disrespectful to me as a reader. It makes me think they don't care about me as a reader, and if they don't, then why should I give them my time and eyeball space? If they don't respect me enough to fix the simple fixes, why should I respect them enough to wade through their story and provide competent feedback? 4. Because it means the author didn't know or didn't care enough to know the rules of grammar when writing. Granted, great writers DO violate grammar rules all the time. But only because they know how. Only because they CAN write correctly and normally do, which is why the broken spots stand out so effectively. You cannot just willy-nilly ignore grammar without looking like an idiot. Know in advance what effect on the reader your breaking the rules will achieve and you can be brilliant, but do it just to do it or because you are lazy and you just look ignorant.
Primula Originally Answered: How important are spelling and punctuation in a piece of writing?
I would say for the most part, they are still highly important in the business world. Everywhere else, it seems, there is a total disregard for spelling and grammar. It's actually a pet peeve of mine to abbreviate every little word and or have everything spelled incorrectly or even lack of punctuation. The only time I do that is the rare text message to a friend. Otherwise, I prefer to do as I learned years ago when I was in school. Of course, I'll have occasional misspellings and improper grammar, but I'm only human. I make mistakes too.
Primula Originally Answered: How important are spelling and punctuation in a piece of writing?
I think it's really important. I'm a writer myself and if something is misspelled or punctuation isn't right then it's because I clearly missed it. I don't think they should "go back and fix it later" because sometimes you forget what should be fixed. It's a lot easier to try to do it right the first time. Also, sometimes people just want advice on their writing style and ideas instead of the grammar and punctuation. They just need to realize (like you said) their style doesn't shine because it's dressed poorly. :)

Mavreena Mavreena
i'm prepared concerning the fragile stuff yet this is frequently slightly over the coolest to the cheesy degree, tone it down some. And if ya'll broke up and you're purely attempting to be her chum, why is it even comfortable in any appreciate? To me it variety of seems such as you're asking her to take her decrease back, so if youin case you're no longer and don't choose her to get that theory then evade the mushiness.
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Mavreena Originally Answered: Feedback on my poem please?
This poem has an experimental feel that lends it a built in element of excitement. I feel the ambiguity of your phrasing was intentional. There's a searching and questioning occurring. You compose some interesting and perplexing imagery in this one. The construct is closest to the standard poem form of any poem I've seen you post. You rhyme your first stanza (ABACDA), then switch to non rhyme, which places emphasis on the first stanza. I find that very effective here. I didn't notice the rhyming end, for your rhythm is well realized and the momentum moves without any fragmented bumps. The emotion here is well presented, for you maintain a continuous voicing throughout, which gives your poem a lyrical flow. Your final line hints at a primary metaphor. I like the parenthetical last line, which I feel is the key that unlocks the mystery of this write. An "experiment" I enjoyed reading. In my opinion it's very exciting and exploratory, E GB

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