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DUE IN 1.5 Hours please help me: Any good writers who can edit my writing?

DUE IN 1.5 Hours please help me: Any good writers who can edit my writing? Topic: How to transition into a conclusion
June 19, 2019 / By Amaria
Question: this is for AP english. As I traced the cracks on the wall in a zig-zag motion with my finger, the area in between the ridges on my finger began to fill up with dust. I felt my finger absorbing the gracious feeling my grandparents’ house always emitted to guests. This country, Bangladesh, was my history—my past, present and future. I hear the footsteps of my grandmother approaching my quiet, boxed room. The aroma that came with her was more powerful than the sound of her footsteps. It was warm Bengali sweets and heavily creamed milk. I felt my body rise without my consent to go toward the sweet scent. As I rose, I could hear the wind softly push by the coconut trees and enter my window like a courteous guest. The wind caresses my pale blushing face. The wind and the aroma conjoin together—creating a profound and memorable experience. I felt like a foreigner but I was one of them. The sun behaves erratically, veiling itself behind the clouds as if it was shy to show its radiance. I started eating the sweets that were cooled by the wind and my mind wanders. The rooster mechanically gives its distinctive call and wakes up everyone within his radius. My brain was not ready to get up but my nose smelled food being prepared and I awakened. My eyes were barely open while I was attempting to put the slippers on my foot. I walked toward the cooking area and my grandmother’s smile suddenly wakes me up. I aid her in making the breakfast. My eyes trace the curvy sari around my grandmother’s body. Realizing how I would look as I matured. Five years later, I walk up the steps into my grandparents’ house. I feel out of place with my modern apparel. My leather boots, denim jacket did not correspond with the rustic environment. My grandmother smiles enthusiastically at me as she places the newborn granddaughter on the bed which is beside the window. I look at the newborn as her eyes examine me as if I was an alien from a far away planet. I gave a affectionate smile to her in response. My eye goes from the newborn to the window--the same solid colored window that I befriended a long time ago. I look outside and view the ageless coconut tree. I look at the pale, pink painted wall and realize the memories that the newborn will have for years to come. rubric: -gives strong impression of writers feelings towards the place. uses concrete details and sensory images. conveys a clear vivid picture of the place with original descriptions. avoids cliches -strong intro and conclusion. balanced and logical sequencing of ideas and extremely fluent transitions. -vivid diction, syntactic variety. language is fluent and uncluttered. no redundancy.
Best Answer

Best Answers: DUE IN 1.5 Hours please help me: Any good writers who can edit my writing?

Tiffani Tiffani | 4 days ago
This is quite good. There is not much you'll be able to do in 1.5 hours anyway. Don't pay attention to the other answerer. He can't even spell "you are".
👍 176 | 👎 4
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We found more questions related to the topic: How to transition into a conclusion


Tiffani Originally Answered: Writers who plan but rarely write! What keeps you from actually writing?
School gets in the way and lots and lots of planning to do on this project...I don't feel secure enough until I sorted all of the plotholes out and improved on how the story will go! Plus, my writing needs to be polished up so I want to give time for that.

Rowan Rowan
Here is the edited copy: Press your tab key where I have (tab) yahoo answers wont let me D< (tab) As I traced the cracks on the wall in a zig-zag motion with my finger, the area in between the ridges on my finger began to fill up with dust. I felt my finger absorbing the gracious feeling my grandparents’ house always emitted to guests. This country, Bangladesh, was my history—my past, present and future. (tab) I hear the footsteps of my grandmother approaching my quiet, boxed room. The aroma that came with her was more powerful than the sound of her footsteps. It was warm Bengali sweets and heavily creamed milk. I felt my body rise without my consent to go toward the sweet scent. As I rose, I could hear the wind softly push by the coconut trees and enter my window like a courteous guest. The wind caresses my pale blushing face. The wind and the aroma conjoin together—creating a profound and memorable experience. I felt like a foreigner but I was one of them. The sun behaves erratically, veiling itself behind the clouds as if it was shy to show its radiance. (tab) I started eating the sweets that were cooled by the wind and my mind wanders. The rooster mechanically gives its distinctive call and wakes up everyone within his radius. My brain was not ready to get up but my nose smelled food being prepared and I awakened. My eyes were barely open while I was attempting to put the slippers on my foot. I walked toward the cooking area and my grandmother’s smile suddenly wakes me up. I aid her in making the breakfast. My eyes trace the curvy sari around my grandmother’s body. Realizing how I would look as I matured. (tab) Five years later, I walk up the steps into my grandparents’ house. I feel out of place with my modern apparel. My leather boots, denim jacket did not correspond with the rustic environment. My grandmother smiles enthusiastically at me as she places the newborn granddaughter on the bed which is beside the window. I look at the newborn as her eyes examine me as if I was an alien from a far away planet. I gave a affectionate smile to her in response. My eye goes from the newborn to the window--the same solid colored window that I befriended a long time ago. (tab) I look outside and view the ageless coconut tree. I look at the pale, pink painted wall and realize the memories that the newborn will have for years to come. Add me on msn if you have any other questions. [email protected] :D
👍 70 | 👎 -4

Nan Nan
properly I easily have various factors! a million. do not situation it really is not stupid that you spent see you later on it, I in basic terms began a clean 'e book/tale' and that i spent the finest 2 days making effective they'd the perfect names and personalities and that i'm in basic terms began writing the actually tale. in case you actually love your writing then you'll spend besides the undeniable fact that lengthy necessary on it. 2. I easily do not understand about Mythology so i will not help you there. 3. i will't inform you in case you'd be a sturdy author a because I God or whoever you would possibly want to believe in and do not understand yet 2 because you probably did not provide me any actually writing that you position into tale type so in case you do want my oppion in case you favor to e mail it to me i might want to be happy to seem over it and inform you what i imagine!
👍 67 | 👎 -12

Lorene Lorene
ur going to hand that in ur not going to get a good grade Ur best luck is to re-do the whole thing then re ask the question
👍 64 | 👎 -20

Lorene Originally Answered: Can someone good at English help me edit this short application essay? Thanks?
paragraph 1 --sentence #1--Change "myself" to "me." paragraph 2 -- sentence 2 -- Change "environment like at at Allegheny" to "environment like that of Allegheny." para 2, sent 3 -- "Accessibly" should be "accessibility." para 2, sent 4 -- Eliminate the word "us." Change "brings" to "bring" Paragraph 3, sentence 1 -- Eliminate the comma after the word "goals"

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