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What do you think of the quality of this writing?

What do you think of the quality of this writing? Topic: How to write a quality comment
June 19, 2019 / By Humphrey
Question: I wrote a book, and the story is about a girl who can control the 4 elements (fire, water, earth, and air) she can create a ball of fire in her hand and make it disappear and then her palm (the skin) is ice cold after she makes the fire disappear. Here is the excerpt: It seemed childish to play with my fire. I felt that it wasn't’t a mature thing to do, especially at a time like this. But no matter how desperately my mind held on to that pride, my hand would still leap with a twitch as the gentle ball of fire sprang to life in my hand, and disappeared with ashes that floated into the wind. The gentle curve of the bottom of the flame had seemed to mesmerize me. But how the palm that held the fire never felt a drop in temperature after the flame had departed had completely caught my amazement. Please rate from 1 to 10 and tell me why. Thank you! And please no comments about it being like Avatar: the Last Air-bender. This has been brought to my attention many times, and my story is nothing like that show. Thank you for reading and answering! I really appreciate it.
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Best Answers: What do you think of the quality of this writing?

Errol Errol | 6 days ago
Take the comma out before "and disappeared." "had seemed to mesmerize" me seems... strange. I mean, if you were mesmerized, you would know. So maybe just say the gentle curve of the bottom of the flame had mesmerized me. Maybe say something along the lines of "But the fact that my palm never felt a change in temperature after the flame had disappeared was what amazed me." I would say the writing is a 7... 7.5.
👍 120 | 👎 6
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Errol Originally Answered: What do you think of the quality of this writing?
Take the comma out before "and disappeared." "had seemed to mesmerize" me seems... strange. I mean, if you were mesmerized, you would know. So maybe just say the gentle curve of the bottom of the flame had mesmerized me. Maybe say something along the lines of "But the fact that my palm never felt a change in temperature after the flame had disappeared was what amazed me." I would say the writing is a 7... 7.5.
Errol Originally Answered: What do you think of the quality of this writing?
It seemed childish to play with what seemed to be fire. I felt that it wasn't a mature thing to do, as this was an unusual time for me. No matter how desperately my mind held on to the image of fire, my hand seemed to leap instantly as the surreal ball of fire appeared then disappeared. The only thing that remained was the ashes from this blazing heat. The gentle curve of the bottom of the flame had mesmerized me into a trance. I couldn't seem to wrap my mind around how the palm that held the fire never felt a drop in temperature after the flame had departed. I am still amazed at how much this power source had caught my attention. Yet, I have realized that there are many mysteries that can only be seen by very few...

Conan Conan
It seemed childish to play with what seemed to be fire. I felt that it wasn't a mature thing to do, as this was an unusual time for me. No matter how desperately my mind held on to the image of fire, my hand seemed to leap instantly as the surreal ball of fire appeared then disappeared. The only thing that remained was the ashes from this blazing heat. The gentle curve of the bottom of the flame had mesmerized me into a trance. I couldn't seem to wrap my mind around how the palm that held the fire never felt a drop in temperature after the flame had departed. I am still amazed at how much this power source had caught my attention. Yet, I have realized that there are many mysteries that can only be seen by very few...
👍 40 | 👎 -3

Arik Arik
first of all there are HUNDREDS of elements... scientifically speaking... BTW fire and water aren't elements! and air and earth are made of many elements. but other than that it's pretty good. i give it an 8. minus 2 because of the inaccuracy.
👍 35 | 👎 -12

Arik Originally Answered: Who monitors the quality of vaccines?
The FDA but in my opinion they do a really really crappy job. The CDC would become involved only if there was a tainted supply of a vaccination and as some have linked vaccinations with autism, we get reports on that issue from both the FDA and the CDC

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