Am I losing my boyfriend (long question, long answer please, urgent help needed!)?
Topic: This i believe book best essays of all time
July 17, 2019 / By Kelley Question:
I know I've posted this question many times before, but please forgive me for I'm too desperate. I cannot lose him!
My boyfriend of 5 years is the sweetest and most supportive guy I've ever known and I love him with all of my life. Two weeks ago, I revealed to him that I had cheated on him, first time ever, at a party with another guy when I was drunk.
First of all, my bf trusted me very much. He didn't have problem with me going to a party without him, he just asked me not to get drunk, which I did. When I revealed the secret to him, I asked him if he could forgive for what I've done in tears, he just hugged me and said everything will be fine.
But his behavior and attitude have changed 180 degrees since then. Just to name a few in the recent couple of weeks: before he leaves our apartment to go to work, he used to have a cute note next my bed with a cup of coffee, all for me to find out when I wake up. Not anymore, he doesn't even kiss me before he leaves now.
Also, the routine used to be that I'd wait for him in the library 'til he gets off work and he'd pick me up from school. But since then, he's been telling me to go home myself because he needs to stay after at the firm longer to work on a special case. I'm friends with his secretary and she says he isn't working on any cases at the moment.
When we go to bed together at night, he doesn't cuddle with me anymore. He used to hold me 'til I fall asleep, but now he just turns his back on me and faces his side of the bed. He doesn't know this but I cry myself to sleep every night ever since then.
Many have said that I shouldn't have told him to begin with, but don't you see it?! This is how good he's been, I can't bear the guilt! And as to speaking to him to about it, I have made numerous attempts, but all being avoided one way or another. I even once asked if he wanted to know who the guy is, he just hugged me and didn't say a word. I don't know what he wants anymore...
To make matters worse, he hasn't initiated sex since then either. We only had sex once ever since I told him this secret and I was the one started it.
I need help reading his behavior... am I losing him? did I screw up bad? He's an A++ bf, I don't want to lose him!!!! I really don't what to do if he really leaves me, this is a man I considered marrying. I can't believe I screwed this up like this...
Best Answers: Am I losing my boyfriend (long question, long answer please, urgent help needed!)?
Herman | 3 days ago
I'm in a similar situation. I cheated on my boyfriend 2 years ago, it was a one time drunken mistake. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. He's the love of my life. I don't think I can find another guy I can love as much, who loves me as much, and have such a magical relationship with.
I know you've heard it all.... all that "you deserve it" and all that moral speeches. I've heard it all. At least we had the balls to come clean and admit to our mistakes. And I know people keep on saying "don't blame it on the alcohol, think before you act". I'm sure everybody's been drunk to a point where they just don't remember anything, no self control, no judgment skills whatsoever.Brain dead. And the "don't get yourself so drunk" thing, all it really takes is 1 wrong drink and everything goes wrong. I mean we're girls, we don't need to want it to get it. I know I sound like an irresponsible brat, I'm just saying, I know I screwed up and I'm very sorry.
I just told my boyfriend yesterday that I cheated on him 2 years ago. He hasn't taken me back nor broken up with me. He's devastated. I asked him what to do, he said "do whatever you want" and "i don't want to talk about it". I haven't seen him for 7 months because he had to relocate for his work. I don't know what to do now. But if he will take me back, I swear, I'll NEVER EVER do that again.
People always say once a cheater always a cheater. I would always agree. But now, I would have to say, if you've ever screwed up the best thing that's happened to you, and if you are given a 2nd chance, you're not going to repeat the same mistake again.
Sorry for the long essay talking about myself. I can't believe I screwed this up too.... We were going to get married in 2 years, I was going to stop this long distance relationship thing and move my life over there with him. I had my ticket booked, I quitted my job, I was on my way there. Now, my hopes of spending the rest of my life with the man of my dreams is gone. I went from 100% to 0%.
I know I'm not much help. And if I really continue my plans on moving over there with him, I'm pretty sure what's happening to you will happen to me.
Please give us a 2nd chance.
I hope people realize that it's different when a guy gets drunk then when a girl gets drunk. We don't NEED to be conscious to get screwed. And a lot of people take advantage of that. Guys will always say "i've never gotten so drunk to cheat on a gf". That's because they can't cheat when they're drunk.
Call me irresponsible, but I'm sticking to my reason for cheating. I was DRUNK. And all it takes is ONE wrong drink. I would never have done it if I was sober.
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Originally Answered: WARNING:THIS QUESTION IS LONG. but PLEASE answer and help me out! I could use it! It's about a boy?
I am somewhat in the same situation, except, I am the guy! I know she likes me, she never has told me. And I know she knows that I like her. Last night we were talking and she says,"__ What are your feeling towards me?" And I told her upfront (I don't like to keep things hidden) and I asked her and she said,"Its hard to explain."
Well, I know her past relationships were full of lies and they were just using her. And, like you, she had a bad father. So, after several minutes I say .... "you know you want to tell me... or you can just say : I like you cory, but because of my past relationships and how they treated me, I am not to quite sure because I don't want to keep getting hurt over and over again. I'm tired of guys treating me less than a person and its not that i don't trust you, I just got to watch myself."
As you can see, I do understand (that was me telling her what she was thinking) and she said "yeah, thats pretty much it." So I do understand. But you know what else she said. She said, despite the fact that her past relationships have been so bad, she is willing to take that risk.
Take that risk. You obviously think highly of this guy. He like syou. He does. Its obvious too. He notices you, he likes to joke around you.
You can tell him straight up that you like him or better yet, ask him how he feel about you, like my friend did to me. Do it in private of course and in person is best. If you can't do it in person, do it over the phone!
You can do it! Tel lhim about your worries too. Tell him you're afraid to get hurt. So he can reassure you he snot like that, and then you can tell him to prove it.
Just e-mail me if you have any Qs
Ok, now see this is a GOOD question.
Being a guy that was in the same situation i can tell you a few things.
1.) We men after you do something like that change and won't change back. *because* we trusted you, gave you everything and made your so loved feeling, yet it wasn't good enough you still whored yourself to some random dude at a party no less with a weak reason of i was drunk... that's no reason your a cheater... you don't deserve a guy like us.. you aren't good enough, you lack the respect of what we do for you and you just take and only care once it's gone..
2.) he has zero trust in you at all, and right now what he is doing is thinking of if he can ever trust you again (nothing you can do to help this) he as all guys will make up there own minds some come out most don't, and sadly for him not you.. you deserve all the pain you get, it sounds like he is going to leave you soon..
3.) did you stop partying? and drinking? or going out? if not.. that just shows to him even more that you don't care (that's how we see it) and we just think well its a matter of time before the whore does it again..
*i don't mean to sound rude or like a jerk, you asked the question and im literally just answering it to the best of my knowledge of how he would be acting from my own experience and knowledge.
4) he won't want to have sex with you.. he is grossed out by almost the sight of you he knows this deep down but because he is battling with his emotion's he may tell you he doesn't feel that way, it's because he is struggling with now knowing that the girl he did his best to give the world to is nothing more then a filthy slut (that is how we think)
5) to answer everything, yes you've lost *him*... the old him most likely will never come back, but if you really are sorry and love him you'll accept the new him that you made with your own disgusting lustful cheating actions and suck it up and keep loving him and if you can't accept it, then your just a greedy person, why should he treat you so great when you do one of the most cruel things any girl or guy could ever do.. you don't ever! EVER EVER!!! deserve to have coffee and a note by your bed, or that soft kiss and hug with a big i love you before he leaves to the firm.. you don't deserve anything more then what your getting... i'll help you even though i think you shouldn't get it.. show him how much he matters and how much you care... do anything and everything you can to make him see the love you have for him,, and don't look at it like your doing it to gain anything to want something in return to it because this is the only way you can do anything if anything
wanna know whats weird.. this sounds like almost the same thing 100% i'm going through.. hmm maybe i should start using my real name as a user just to know if "she" is posting.. and your name scares me a little too with not knowing if it's her... either way, have a nice day.. may you should just next time he comes home have a meal cooked.,, and you butt nakedly surprise him after eating.. and start pleasing him.. and being sexxy..
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he is not only a good bf, he is a smart man. The truth is, you don't deserve him. You cheated on him. Being drunk is not an excuse, i never cheat on MY girlfriend when I was drunk. Stuff like this can TOTALLY break a good guy's mind. He might even turn to a bad one and if he did that it will all be your fault.
He might not even be leaving you but just trying to convince himself to forgive you. But either way
You really need to start doing things showing him you want to be his woman and show him you will never do that again. Go home by yourself for now, and earlier than before. Cook a warm meal waiting for him at home. Rent a movie and ask him if he wants to watch it with you. Don't be so passive. be ACTIVE! offer him massage instead of him giving you one. Don't feel guilty starting sex, do something sexy for him and tell him you will only do this to him.
If at the end he decided to leave, you really can't blame him. You can only hope you can find a man this good again and never make such mistake ever.
👍 108 | 👎 -15
I'm not surprised his attitude changed. Imagine how you would feel? Yes, you did screw up bad. You shouldn't have cheated. You'll have to do a lot of work and have a lot of patience to get his trust back. He's probably feeling like he's been punched in the gut. Your relationship may never be the same again.
👍 106 | 👎 -24
This was probably a big shocker for him. Just be patient because you can't force him to get over it right away. If he was going to leave you he probably would have already left you, so just breathe. I'm sorry but there is nothing magical you can do to earn back his trust and heal his hurt feelings. Only time and love can.
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